UFO>>>>!!!

I returned with a heavy heart, (well! a heavier heart) than I left when the King called me… petrified like a cattle in the meat shop I was in a dawdling crawl to the kings abode but in return I ran, literally… what happened there is but a different story altogether…

I returned to the faculty room to witness a huge noisy hubbub.. I could hear shouting from a corner and could hear Ram’s voice…I could see a crowd and that included some students..

You are an impossible psycho…....came up the voice of Prof Ram.. and you better get treated before you totally rot this place….

Now this was too much, I mean..... it was not at all a clue at the GIM faculty room…it could be any one on the other side.. almost every one there, could fit into that title...... Impossible psycho…

Do you know whom are you talking to…… I saw as I walked (or ran? ), the well oiled face of Prof Mathew Cherain, My HOD..

I hadn’t had any moment’s gap to think whom to support… I needed no gap to judge, in a flip of a second that it would be the oily jerk that would have created the ruckus…

I am the HOD.. screamed the man from his cabin.. he was shaking like a drunk facing a storm ….

The story is public …..retorted Ram in such big decibel that will put even airports to shame….… even the gate watcher knows how creeps like you make it to the top…

Dr Joseph , the ED was seen rushing from nowhere frenetically, seemingly to save his aide-de-camp … his face was more distorted than normal and had turned crimson…

He, looked like was called to fight the fire that was on…

What the hell are you all doing here? …. he shouted at us- the on lookers…Anand and me in the front row…

ED seemed to have forgotten that 'when shows are on, crowd will gather',,,,

People went back a little but stayed put, the show was so entertaining to let it go..

What is this ? ….I asked Anand hoping to hear the story from its beginning…I was like some one who walked into a cinema post interval... the climax wasn’t spicy without knowing how the story developed…

Will tell you… this was brewing for some time now.. said Anand with a wicked smile… volcanoes better erupt than hold back..

The HOD looked like an overflowing oil tank….. slipping and flowing now and then ,here and there.. worlds failing to match his fiery facial expressions…

Now this was new for me.. the most revered senior professor at GIM fighting with a greasy lunatic… when the one professional I adored, was in battle with a qualified schemer , I knew for sure who would be the reason…

What is his problem.. argued Ram with the ED who tried to pacify the war lords.. … why the hell he has to poke his nose into my affairs.. ?

And his dirty ass into almost every ones.. said Anand with a stupid grin…

I laughed and laughed a little loud…

The ED turned to us, leaving the battle front..

Now aren’t you ashamed..? he asked me and Anand.. you are enjoying this nonsense..…

We were startled, I mean I for sure was.. I didn’t had the time to see and analyse Anand and his face,,, I just didn’t get enough time to even form my defense before be jumped on us again…

Sir.. would you stop it… Anand raised his voice to the old man who looked like he was about to eat us alive… Now if YOU cannot control your colleagues fighting that is because YOU fed it.. YOU groomed and nurtured it.. That is your headache.. Don’t try to put a show on our expense.. You are no bloody KING here…

What? …..Taken aback, but not to give up the old man barked bizarrely like an angry dog would when thrown stones at it..… What did you say…?

The war front had changed… the crowd now got a new show to watch.. I don’t remember what Ram and Mathew Cherian did at that moment because in this new flank attack that Dr Joseph had opened, I was also a party…

I said what you heard.. said Anand smiling.. if the faculty are fighting and when you ask them to stop ,if they don’t stop, that is because you have given them the wrong leadership by example.. You have been impotent and incompetent as their boss… now just because you think we will obey and never question don’t try to attack us… the same guys who pay you ,pay us as well…isn’t that clear?

Dr Joseph and his red face look like a broken tomato.. Why not? ....Hit so hard, it had to smash…

Stunned stillness provided a strange background to this uncanny anti climax.. No one talked and every one retired to their cabins and pigeon holes, waiting for the next step…

I saw Dr Jesus coming in, I knew it was going to happen but compared to what I thought would happen, he went directly to Ram’s cabin .. Heads that didn’t dare to show up till then slowly came up..

Buzz… Anand came in my chat box online……

You don’t talk if we are called.. he wrote.. I will do the honours…

I knew he was quite disbelieving about my conversation skills in testing times, that too with the bosses…Anand had this.. he was always certain and cheerful.. may be that is why I wanted to be him ….

I had a smile while I waited…

We will have a meeting… announced Jesus after his talk with Prof Ram standing at the centre of the large room where the faculty sat, lived, played, shared jokes, gossiped, read, prepared, made cut copy and paste research and now fought as well … in another 10 minutes in the conference hall… I request all you ladies and gentlemen to be there…

He walked out with the intended pun looming at the troposphere and Jesus looked like an alien who just came out of a UFO that was parked in the garden outside…

The traces of my birthday cake were still lying scattered here and there, laughing at me and the whole system…

The birthday boy - Part I

Why do we celebrate birthdays? ..... asked Anand while I was engrossed in that day's Business line….

It was my birthday and no one at GIM knew it…. now this question woke me up from the illusion that no one knew it…

I do not … I said unflappably …. So may be I wouldn’t know…

Anand laughed as he came and sat near to me in the common room.. it was the first tea break of the day and the faculty room was full of talk and laughter…

You didn’t answer me but ..insisted my friend…

I do not know… I think it is just to declare ones self importance.. existence… may be like brands advertise…

There you go… he said….. so GIM is implementing this new style of advertising from today…. The management would be hereafter celebrating its staff’s birthday officially…

I didn’t say a WOW but an awe escaped through my larger than proportionate mouth, to nowhere….

HR policies being reframed… said Anand with conviction looking at my 'not so appreciative' face… the change agent in him wouldn’t die…

By the way suk…. Happy birthday… he said and caught my hands... his eyes sparkled even though the doses of medicines and the therapy had made him a poor looking cousin of his past… you could have told me at least…

But I don’t… I protested feebly….

Happy birthday professor Sukesh… said someone from their cabin to my astonishment….. I saw Ram coming in and many others even as I tried to retire to my pigeon hole cabin…. I saw a group of office boys from the HQ coming in and taking the centre table at the sitting place and putting a larger canteen type table there with a white cloth over it… it looked like a drama set scene to scene transformation, from garden to the palace interiors and from the palace to the market place.. within seconds flowers came in… the king size chairs arrived and so did the king and his court… a large cake appeared on which my name was written ….I was caught in the fanfare, where people smiled ,made noise and rejoiced.. I still didn’t come to terms with the happening inside the faculty room that afternoon…

Anand was seen here and there among the crowd and as Jesus and Manohar came in there was a sudden silence…

Every one stood around the cake… And the King spoke,,,,,

Our employees are our friends… he said looking into the cake and then to each of our faces for a second each… here there are no superiors and sub ordinates…

The VC , ED and the others in the top management team nodded.. When the king spoke, they were all by habit attuned to this nodding no matter what he said….

I switched off and instead kept scanning the crowd.. most of them were surprised and shocked like me, some looked and stared at me as if I was hosting the show, still others seemed jealous at my propulsion to the centre of fame …. I knew that this would be the new game floor and I wasn’t prepared for that….

When the speech was over, Jesus said a prayer and after which I was asked to cut the cake… the first piece was stuffed into my mouth and then the creamy sticky mass was cut into smaller pieces and send around …

We all had had birthdays ..said some one sarcastically ,making sure that the top had left the room… but some are more equal than others…

I was in a smolder …. Pain and agony ran untamed as I sat in my cabin …

The tit bits and residuals of the cake was spread all over but my worry was the grimy looks and the puny faces that the whole show had left as residue…

Happy birthday sir… people kept on saying the whole day... students , staff, colleagues and others… in the lift , at the canteen , in the library and even at the toilet… I just wanted the day to be over soon.. the day when I had told Anand that I do not celebrate birthdays…

Professor Ram was waiting for me, walking nervously up and down outside my pigeon hole when I returned from the loo …

Why do you think, the lot again fell on you? .....he asked the moment he saw me….

I didn’t know… I was worried as well why I am the chosen one always… why I am again the first outsider who had the honor to have the king arrive and sing songs on his birthday,,,,,

Be careful… said Ram… I smell a rat in this sudden celebrity status …

Cats always smell rats.. I said to myself but tried to look cool.... I didn’t want Ram to know of my anguish….

There is a talk among the folks… said Ram…. I don’t know how far that is true…

Now that was too much for my garb to fall… my habiliment worn off and I stood like a naked beggar… he could see me raw but I didn’t know how I looked like..

I am sure I would have looked shocked…my face would have gone pale and blank.. my lips would have dried up… I could see that in Ram’s face…. A sort of a dirty glee appeared there…

Ram had this… he knew how to spin a yarn of suspense and clasp one in it…I was for sure caught in curiosity …

Jhansi Williams appeared on the back ground….

Sir you are wanted by the chairman .. she said and disappeared…

I didn’t look into Ram’s face , I just walked off tongue-tied….

Experiential humbug- part II

After the flop show of the alumni meet, no heads rolled, no fault finding missions were launched where oily faces and dirty giggles sat around and passed the buck.......

The father, the son and their holy spirits were all too benevolent on women....even when they erred and screwed up royally, they were treated with chivalry.....

Sri Laxmi was as young as the guys and girls who passed out in hundreds from GIM every year; some were even older than she was….. As the convener, she was taken non seriously by insiders and outsiders and the alumni… That was mistake number one ....

She took it lightly (worse!) and assumed that at GIM the HQ will take care of and she will just have to smile, shake hands with the hundreds that will throng the meet and deliver speeches and sound very nostalgic…That was mistake number two…

No one communicated properly to the alumni, some were invited, some were not, some got long mails, some got short ones, and the data base was to be blamed. No one ever FOUND OUT that it was not the alumni’s job the make and maintain a proper data base.. That was mistake number three….

And people hated GIM, most of them who left GIM would never want to come back ,no matter how beautiful and young was the convenor who invited was .. her starry eyes could not that easily replace the horror that they lived in their eyes... no one realised it and that was mistake number four....

Why the hell…? ....

I threw the note pad on which I was jotting down the reasons why the meet failed… no one blamed anyone, worse no one talked about it and the day next was just another day, except for the welcome banners that hung here and there and the gloomy faced students who were made to sit a whole day listening to dreary discourses and self eulogy ……but then gloom in there faces was an everyday phenomenon like the deep fried banana's in the GIM canteen...

So the conclusion is that when the inspection team is here we all should together work for the accreditation….team work matters…… it’s our common dream… said Dr Joseph…

Anand sat next to me in the conference hall and seemingly knew that I had left my body there and my mind was wandering….

He smiled and wrote on my note pad… GIM is trying international accreditation…The team is coming…. Another show to be put up…

I woke up to the real world from my one man commission ,finding fault with why the alumni meet bombed like a big fart and yet why it didn’t smell ….

Is it?....... I asked loud in a fit of fury mixed with anxiety topped with suspicion and seasoned with apathy,,,,,

Dr Joseph stopped his speech and paused for a second before asking… Yeah it is Professor Sukesh… Why? ....... you have any doubts…?

No sir… I muttered… I couldn’t tell him that it was just a co incidence and I was not replying to his insincere blather on team work…

He went back and listed on what was to be done by each faculty and others when the team comes calling...…

I could hear the likes of Prof Ram and others (who still thought of change and change agents) debating, suggesting, fighting, compromising, convincing, and arguing from the front rows..

I could see women (most of them the juniors) looking bored and worn-out from this cacophony to which they had no reason to connect to....

I could smell acids from hungry stomachs… it was a typically atypical sight…

I could feel team work…. Two teams were in action – the actives and the passives…

Every meeting in the conference room of GIM had this setting.. Half the crowd spoke.. the other half didn’t, the management will have a set agenda, which will remain intact after all the debate and disagreement which the first half will be bothered and the unconnected second half will not be, the first half would look into the clock and their watches wanting more time for the meeting, the second half would do the same but in desperation to flee…

Hungry Kya ? … Anand asked me…

It was about 1 pm and the hard sunny day it was ,I had a huge appetite …

Dominos? ... I asked in reply and we both laughed….

It seems Professor Sukesh Menon and Prof Anand Mohan has something valuable to contribute… suddenly said Dr Joseph (who noticed that we were not listening to his talk).

I was taken aback by this googly… it was unexpected….

Very true sir… announced Anand as he stood up….. I was even more shocked by this response…

I just have one question… what is new? said Anand....

What? .... Dr Joseph asked portentously….

This is like a school play enacted year after year… for those who have been here during the last visit by the same commission, it is the same…. The plot… the characters and even the dialogues… announced Anand with the same charm and power with which he had stood up like Moses the saviour, the last time when such a meeting was held.....

I didn’t hear the roar of the red sea this time…but could see the blue faces on the stage…..

The women (still unconnected) stared at Anand who stood there,waiting for an answer….

I flashed a smile…. At Anand and then to the ED’s face which had turned Red from Blue…..

Bloody bastards … he seemed to have said…

Same to you ,you ugly rotten creep… I said with impunity…