The grand commander !!!

It was my day one in the corporate relations office at GIM which they called the 3I cell...... I was quite hesitant like a kid on his first day to school…As Woody Allen put it, a school for mentally disturbed teachers…...

First of all I looked like an uninvited guest there.. the staff who till that day had seen only Jesus as their boss, were amused by the fact that for the first time they will have a boss sitting there ( or an Ass who pretended to be the Boss) amidst them, probably making sure that they worked… it was out of Jesus’ insistence, that I agreed to sit there half the day in spite of my insentience ….In fact it was full day as per my bosses wish and , I would change my location from the faculty room to the corporate relations office in the 4th floor…I insisted otherwise as I couldn’t even think of a life outside my pigeon hole cabin in the large faculty room.. with all its geo-political grubbiness , if I were to be in GIM, I would prefer to sit there,,,

I had the gumption to tell Jesus that I am basically a teacher and do not prefer to be in an admin seat from dawn to dusk…

Jesus had a laugh.. An all encompassing laugh with which he bestowed the half a day charity upon me…

From day one I began judging the tree by the fruits of it, or the lack of them… I knew I wouldn’t make much of a difference but was amused by the lack of any system in what I thought was one basic pillars in the success of a B school…

Not even proper files.. I told Anand as we walked into the canteen, as if I could give him a shock…I often forgot that Anand was much more realistic than I ever could be…

And hopeless data base… I remember your worrying about the alumni meet… I went on… In fact GIM do not have a data base of its alumni… 15 years in this business.. just imagine where the first batches would have reached,,,, just imagine if properly solicited , where can this place reach…

My discovery ran goose bumps in me, but Anand sat as if he had discovered the wheel years back and was even given the Nobel for it.. I was just reinventing it… He kept sipping his carrot juice…

Carrot juice is good for the skin.. he said… and it keeps you young….

I was for sure not amused, not even an inch for his words of wisdom unconnected to the topic of discussion..

He saw my angst…

You are not there to take a stock of what we don’t have...... why don’t you make it.. let history speak of Prof Sukesh Menon , who bought some sense and system to the hitherto unruly world of industry interaction at GIM…

I beamed....

I was already in a stage where arc lights threw abundance of light on me, where flowers showered all the fragrance on me,where crowds sang my eulogy in all joy,where my name was unveiled in a huge roll of silk that came down and flashes from camera lights jostled to get the image first…

The King turned back after unveiling…he was wearing a crown and a bundle of diamond studded knick-knacks…. his heaps of unemployed fat dangled from everywhere and it moved as he turned his back… Dr Joseph and Prof Cherian- the HOD, stood left and right with daggers and spears, as if they are two Gurkha orderly officers, and as if they were the other name of valor.. Cherian looked a bit too polite… unnecessarily polite I must say…

The King took his huge sword and as I knelt on the investiture stool, he touched my right and then left shoulder with his sword and said.. I ordain you as a lord of all the land and seas in my command and proclaim you as the grand commander of the GIM empire….

I guess I laughed, and Anand had to hit my shoulder quite hard and made me crash land…

Two students of the senior batch walked in , and walked to us.. when I saw them amidst the pain that my dear friend left on my shoulder they were almost next to us…

The senior batch is giving a thanks party sir…. One of them said-I had forgotten the name.. and we are here to invite you…

Hey … Anand exclaimed in joy as if he was a kid an his dad just offered him a trip to Disney land … that is so cooooooooollllllllllllllllll …. I always told you are one awesome batch…

That is some thing every teacher tells his passing out batch… Huh.. I sighed in disgust….
Anand stared at me for a spilt second at my contemptuous sigh and my even more condescending looks and then returned to the invitation committee…

This is after the farewell or with it? - He asked …

After the farewell sir.. said the other guy ,whose name(again) was in the tip of my tongue but refused to come out…

This is between us and the faculty… They said as they handed over two copies of hand written invite cards to us…farewell is given to us by the juniors….

Anand had a rewarded laugh on his face….

Thanks Gopi and thanks Suhail… said Anand standing up and shaking hands with them and then hugging them….

Oopppsss!!!! that was Suhail Khan and I didn’t remember his name….

Haven’t you been to a party before? ....I asked him in disdain …

Anand was still in his carrot juice… He didn’t bother to reply…

I cannot understand some thing.. I said ……I hate all the pretensions and we will miss your batch talk… we really dont miss them ..do we?

Anand gave me an Oh you do? Looks…

When we were walking back to the main building, Anand still hadn’t talked…. when he talked, he talked like a river… it’s had a lot of waves and whirlpools, but when he stayed silent he looked like the sea… vastly unpredictable and much more dangerous…..

As I was packing my bags that evening, I saw his Orkut status update which said…

“Some people never understand, some….. never want to understand”

In Hot and Sour chicken soup !!!

It gets funny when adults behave like kids.. most of us know that but quite often we do not… If we sit and watch unconnected, most of the games people play would look toddle like, and some times even worse…

GIM after the awards looked like a crèche where kids played unperturbed by the outsiders world… I for a few days was one among them, refusing to come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t got a toy which some other kids in the crèche had been given to play with and hence I wouldn’t talk to them- any of them … I sat alone most of the time as if I was practicing the role of Devdas the lost lover, sans the bottle of course… it was naïve but for me to realize the extent of my naiveté, Anand had to come back…

Exams had begun and as usual at GIM the teachers who supervised were more strained than the kids who wrote their papers…the ubiquitous camera that made instant actors, forced us to be in our toes- as Johnie walker ads would say- keep walking…

On the second day of exams, when I came to my cabin after handing over the days answer sheets, remaining question papers and all the stuff to the exam department,there lingered a strong smell of denim.. Anand was back, I knew… …

What about a lunch out Suk? ......He asked me as we met… He looked far better than he was when he left fifteen days back… he still was a poor version of his earlier self but for me, Anand by then ,was some one who was more important than his looks were.. he had slowly walked over the definition of charm and charisma… even with his frail figure and bald head he was as alluring as with his David posture and macho looks…

When you hug me… he said .... I feel a lot relieved..

I laughed and said… it should have been my dialogue.. you snatched it from my lips you @#$%^&*…

Sri Laxmi drove her car and surprisingly chose to remain silent…..she was a slow driver and every time we traveled with her at the wheels, Anand showered his consummate sense of humor on women driving quite unkindly and she used to reply in her usual aggression… That day but, she was neither the same chatterbox who she generally was, nor the tit for tat specialist that she was with me…

What if you get an offer from another B school? … Anand asked me suddenly, catching me quite raw with my reaction…

Another B school? ….

Yeah……said Anand… a better one.. a better managed one, where dining tables and board tables would not be the same, where jerks don’t do things at the whims and fancies and still call it management, where they teach management and practice it as well…

GIM was none of this, and I know that ….but …..

Sri Laxmi and her car had taken us to the restaurant …

I didn’t dare to restart the topic.. I know Anand would…

Sitting with his soup bowl he did as I anticipated… his eyes, which once had an unusual glitter now had gone deep inside… his head showed signs of his hair coming back but his wavy hair that would flutter in the breeze was for sure missing…….

Would it be wrong if I say that you have gone jealous…? He asked me, in a voice which but was sharper than ever before, as I was taking in my first spoon of hot and pepper chicken soup…

It got stuck… the soup and the question….a drops of tear each, from my eyes made it impossible to see anand, again because of the soup as well as the question….

Jealous of…?.... I managed to ask finally, leaving the soup on the table….

May be every one, except me…he said….

I am not .. I protested… yeah ....you deserve to be in the ten, but not many of the others,,,,,

Is that your problem, or the fact that you are not in there… He again asked as Sri Laxmi sat stirring her spicy parsnip and carrot soup bowl, as if she was hunting for some treasure….

Both are same.. I said as even as he stopped me …

No .. he said firmly…. and you know that…..

I didn’t know that but now I knew that there was a me in me that I didn’t see, but he did…

I deserve to be there Anand… I said … that is my only problem….

You know why you are not there? ... he asked unabashed....

I didn’t know… I wanted to know though…

We teach in a B school Suk… here the kids learn from us in the class but more than that from outside the class…. Anand said as if I didn’t know that basic funda of B school teaching….

I gave him a "PLEASE DON’T GIVE ME A LECTURE" look…

I know you know that.. he said with a smile…. But you don’t know that outside the class you are a zero… you haven’t left a mark on the minds of the kids….you couldn’t be a role model for them… you couldn’t stand up in their minds when they think of a teacher they adore…. Anand Mohan could easily be that but my pleasure will be the day when Sukesh Menon does it…

I had my eyes wet again, this time not for the soup….. I had long forgotten it, it wasn’t leaving any nice tingle in my mouth… he hadn’t say anything new.. I knew that, and yet I didn’t know any of it….

Sri Laxmi continued her treasure hunt in the soup bowl , even as Anand finished his soup and the bearer came to take further orders….

Forget EMEP, forget all the dreams to change the system.. but remember Operation applecart.. he told me holding my hands,,,, You have the thing in you Suk…. You just have to see it… hold a mirror to your inner self…

I didn’t need a mirror.... with Anand sitting opposite, I really didn’t….

Forget Management … he said and called the waiter.... let's order some Chicken curry !!!!

The Rules of Differentiation!!!

Anand again went on leave for his periodic check ups and medication.. I couldn’t get him to advise me every time I wanted to..If I was allowed I would have secretly video taped all events and meetings and show him to read between the lines, hear the unspoken among all the spoken words and unknot each smile,,, … Students were away on their study leave ,only to be seen in one’s and two’s, here and there…

It was during one of those days the announcement came. The annual increments for the ten best faculty and the best teacher award (that the king had promised) were announced. I could hear murmur when (in an unusual style) an office note that passed from cabin to cabin by the hands of Jhansi William, declared the winner who was a dark horse that emerged from nowhere… I guessed the mumble was both about the person and the method of communication…

For the normal, it would be a search in to find their name in the list.. it was money and more over there was no point in being there if you couldn’t be in the first ten,,, But at GIM everyone weird and wonderful… people clamored and discussion started right in the spot .. the paper refused to move from cabin to cabin… it got lost some where but didn’t matter, everyone knew the content..

The fortunate ones smiled, the less fortunate ones garbled and the doubtful ones, with no pre agenda and notice, assembled at the common area of the faculty room…

I didn’t smile or stupor… I for sure knew that I wasn’t the best of teachers, but could have easily placed my self in the first ten.. Among the 40 odd teachers at the B school, but in reality,I was not in the first ten and I didn’t complain.. I didn’t bother to read the list again… for me it was only the case of a missing name- mine…

Sri Laxmi joined me at the canteen… I knew she will start the topic..Why? What? Did you know and all the stuff.. But she didn’t .. she sat like that was no news at all…

Women always amuse me by their strange demeanor … you could never predict them… She didn’t ask or talk anything and strangely I felt odd.. I wanted her to initiate the talk so that I could lash out.. may be growl at the mammoth system like a dog barking on darkness … she but chose to remain like a mobile phone.. ring only when she is not expected to, and not to ring when she is badly anticipated to… Miserable !!!

Your problem is simple.. she said at last, leading to the topic…see me.. I am not worried because I didn’t expect.. where there is no desire , there is no despair..

She had a “am I not great” look in her eyes which glistened.. her stupid philosophy didn’t entreat me to reply but her logic did…. Where is she and where is ME?

What the heck? ............I almost shouted… I didn’t desire for anything.. and even if I did what is the harm..? I know I deserve it…

She giggled…. Sir you know what.. you are contradicting … you didn’t desire it but you know you deserve it and now you have gone desperate …

I didn’t speak, for loss of words for sure and the sight of good old Prof Ram coming in to the canteen…

He walked straight to us… I knew you would be here.. he announced even as he was only half way through…

It didn’t take a genius to guess my where about in times of stress.. stress.. Why should I be stressed.. WTF? ..........I kept telling my boiling mind…

Don’t you think that the whole thing is a sham..?

Ram said as he sat, with a smile of having proven his postulate of "Nothing will change in GIM"…

You mean the award..? asked Sri Laxmi as if she didn’t know the art of speculation…

Of course….. Said Ram with a thump on the table… what is the criteria, I am asking?

Asking whom… ? .....I said to myself…
Me, who only know to run to the canteen revengefully to eat banana fries when driven to a corner ?
Or this stupid girl who never ever wanted to be a teacher in the first place?

He answered to that mind talk of mine… I know you are the wrong person but was wondering whether you still think that these guys can get anything right…

I told him a feeble NO but Ram as usual could see me.. why Ram, any one could read my face like a comic book…

I don’t want it to sound like – you didn’t give me the award so I rebel… said Ram.. but the criteria should be transparent…

Ram was in the list of Best Ten… so I guess he didn’t dispute that part… the criteria of the best teacher award was the only issue … HUH….. I said to myself and took another banana fry to eat…oil dripped from each piece like my HOD’s face…

Each banana fry, for me represented the sullied system.. I knew it is bad but I was in it….
I couldn’t fight it, hence I ate it…

I stood up even as Sri Laxmi looked perplexed and Ram clearly agitated…

Where are you going? … asked Sri Laxmi visibly shaken at my irreverence …

To my cabin.. I said with ridicule… I have to work hard.. I have to be in the number ten list at least next year…

I didn’t look back as I walked out with a thud which later on looked to me like too much of drama for the wrong cause, enacted to the wrong people… The apple cart that Anand used to talk about was upside down… I didn’t care what Anand would have said to this reaction…. Being an ardent fan of the likes of Stephen Covey –he would have said some absurd thing like “it’s how you react to an issue which makes the issue look important”

Suddenly even the theory of relativity that I used to rely on every time a student feed back is taken also looked invalid…Some strange rules of differentiation were being applied.. if f(x) = x n then ..HUH….. I never got it right….

Suddenly, I saw a plot… shady figures devising stratagem to unseat me… I saw slimy and oily shapes of all sizes descending down and dancing around my very existence.. Their holler and cry broke the silence,,, their long and foul tentacles stabbing through the gruesome darkness caught me….I didn’t want awards and increments… I cried….just let me go…. please…

If it was not for Jhansi William who woke me up ,I would have cried out loud….or did I?

Sir.. there is a meeting at the chairman’s cabin… every one has gone….she said looking at me as if she was a kid who just came out of a scary house and I was the operator...

I looked around.. no dirty creatures as in tooth paste ads… no heart breaking laughter.. no friends and foes.. I was all alone and for the first time I felt good ……for a change, silence and darkness didn’t threaten me, at least not as much as the maddening crowds that lived there....