All the King's men !!!

The annual convocation day.

The big wigs of GIM in convocation attire- long robes with all its silk and golden brocades, the hoods, head caps and its golden tassel danglers, the paraphernalia and pomp which every one seem to mirth at , the marching tunes, the rows of students in black robes with golden borders which but by design stood way behind the ones their teachers and the management wore , the smiles , the hugs, the relief in faces that were about to escape, the contented parents, the dinner waiting, the photographs, and the long speeches that was waiting to be vomited from the big guns that sat fully loaded on the stage and finally the moment when each student walks up to the stage with his head held high , shaking hands with the guest and takes his or her certificate and pausing for a photograph…for the ‘convocated’ it was a perfect ending for a not so perfect journey …

Teachers beamed from their seats as the function began. I sat in the second row with Prof Ram next to me and Sri Laxmi just in front. I could see Dr Joseph running up and down with his Aide-de-camp, the oil faced HOD as if they were organizing the whole thing and as if without them, none of the 370 odd kids would pass out that day.

Ram scratched my thighs and said… pretension of the highest order… it is not important how you work, but it is important how you show you work!

Life is a show sir.. I said philosophically......some are show masters

And some just sit and watch … said Ram smilingly…He wanted to scratch again but I skillfully dragged my thighs out of his antenna’s reach…

Ladies and gentlemen .. came Anand’s voice….Welcome to the 16 th annual convocation of God’s institute of management…

Anand was in his best as the anchor … Every year the onus fell on to some faculty .. many have done it but never with the grace and surge like Anand did the MC job… he has immaculate English , with its intonation and accent so spotless and precise , wisdom, wit and words flowing like a clear stream …….

After the long speeches of all and sundry who sat on the stage, the dictums and sermons on life and secrets to success, it was Dr Joy -the King’s turn…

I knew his speech almost word by word…at least the idea remained unchanged year after year and I switched off… I was already hungry… the sounds of my stomach was much more appealing than the empty hum that the unceremoniously fat grand master of the GIM circus delivered that evening…

The best part of the convocation this year was you sir… the kids seem to unanimously declare as they crowded around Anand after the official function and vied to click photographs with him… I walked around unwanted by the photo mongers and feigning to be unperturbed by the flicker and flash that people in robes and their entire din created…As Anand put it once, it wasn’t entertaining to pass off like a ship in the middle of the night…


Looking dull… said Sri Laxmi, as she struggled with a big piece of chicken that refused to plunge into her plate…

And you look quite active.. I said mockingly even when I had my eyes planted at her attempts to get the chicken piece into a ladle spoon and then to her plate with elegance …

You women are quite adamant … I said.. why don’t you take another piece and give way to others..

She wouldn’t listen and tried with even more ferocity as if I was standing there for the same chicken piece… and bang… ! it launched itself to her plate with a thud and with a large gobbet flying and landing on her gold and pink sari…

I laughed and she fumed… For me the best part of the convocation this year was not the show which was done, but this one…

Anand joined us after the photo session but by then we had almost reached the end of our dinner… Sri Laxmi had washed the oil and gravy stains in her sari, which but remained as a shocking reminder of her failed adventure with a bowl of hot chicken curry…

This is awesome .. said Anand .. to see so many happy faces, so many young guys and gals walking into corporate life… I feel so proud….

I didn’t speak; instead I concentrated on the ice-cream…

You no longer go to the gym isn’t it ?.. said Sri Laxmi…

I do….. every month I go and pay the months fees… I said and laughed at my own joke..

Anand and Sri Laxmi that night, either had gone down drastically in their humour appreciation skills, or they had a ploy not to encourage my crude sense of humour.. not any more…

And you don’t feel happy seeing our happy faces… I said with a large globe of ice-cream stuck in my throat …its not every day that GIM gives its subjects such sumptuous feasts…

Anand looked me, and making sure that his fiancé has her attention elsewhere furtively whispered.. FUCK U !!!

The ice cream globe went in with ease !

Ah…. Here is our man… in came the voice of the king who came in with his entourage…. They were still wearing the convocation robes as kids would wear their school dancing dress all the way back home, after the school day…. We stood up- half in amazement at the sudden royal interference and half in reverence ….

Great job professor Anand Mohan… said the king as he first extended his arms to an unsuspecting Anand who still had a glass of juice in his left hand and a spoon on the other.

Then the King hugged the MC of the day and proceeded for dinner with all his palanquin bearers following him.

Sri Laxmi started giggling the moment the group left , and I joined her, much to Anand’s dismay … The group went from corner to corner and table to table , throwing pleasantries at parents and their wards , a shake hand or two to the teachers and the guests and then proceeding to attack the food counter… I could see Jesus clung to his mobile phone most of the time and couldn’t see Manohar- his brother in law who was noted for his absence.. after all such occasion are where the King’s family show cased their unity in diversity..

The Maharajah’s of Mysore ..I said to Sri Laxmi in a hush tone … on a given day every year used to visit their subjects like this…

Sri Laxmi raised her eye brows…

Anand filled in… that was on Dusshera Suk .. and they used to go naked…..

Sri Laxmi sat shocked…and I said..

But I am sure that one would have looked far decent…

And then she laughed… her ice cream fell all over the place, and still she laughed and she almost fell down.. Anand tried to hold her arms but she slipped and fell, this time really down from where she was still laughing……

Anand stood there like an idiot, with one hand up with the spoon still in it and the other one scratching his ass!

The grand commander !!!

It was my day one in the corporate relations office at GIM which they called the 3I cell...... I was quite hesitant like a kid on his first day to school…As Woody Allen put it, a school for mentally disturbed teachers…...

First of all I looked like an uninvited guest there.. the staff who till that day had seen only Jesus as their boss, were amused by the fact that for the first time they will have a boss sitting there ( or an Ass who pretended to be the Boss) amidst them, probably making sure that they worked… it was out of Jesus’ insistence, that I agreed to sit there half the day in spite of my insentience ….In fact it was full day as per my bosses wish and , I would change my location from the faculty room to the corporate relations office in the 4th floor…I insisted otherwise as I couldn’t even think of a life outside my pigeon hole cabin in the large faculty room.. with all its geo-political grubbiness , if I were to be in GIM, I would prefer to sit there,,,

I had the gumption to tell Jesus that I am basically a teacher and do not prefer to be in an admin seat from dawn to dusk…

Jesus had a laugh.. An all encompassing laugh with which he bestowed the half a day charity upon me…

From day one I began judging the tree by the fruits of it, or the lack of them… I knew I wouldn’t make much of a difference but was amused by the lack of any system in what I thought was one basic pillars in the success of a B school…

Not even proper files.. I told Anand as we walked into the canteen, as if I could give him a shock…I often forgot that Anand was much more realistic than I ever could be…

And hopeless data base… I remember your worrying about the alumni meet… I went on… In fact GIM do not have a data base of its alumni… 15 years in this business.. just imagine where the first batches would have reached,,,, just imagine if properly solicited , where can this place reach…

My discovery ran goose bumps in me, but Anand sat as if he had discovered the wheel years back and was even given the Nobel for it.. I was just reinventing it… He kept sipping his carrot juice…

Carrot juice is good for the skin.. he said… and it keeps you young….

I was for sure not amused, not even an inch for his words of wisdom unconnected to the topic of discussion..

He saw my angst…

You are not there to take a stock of what we don’t have...... why don’t you make it.. let history speak of Prof Sukesh Menon , who bought some sense and system to the hitherto unruly world of industry interaction at GIM…

I beamed....

I was already in a stage where arc lights threw abundance of light on me, where flowers showered all the fragrance on me,where crowds sang my eulogy in all joy,where my name was unveiled in a huge roll of silk that came down and flashes from camera lights jostled to get the image first…

The King turned back after unveiling…he was wearing a crown and a bundle of diamond studded knick-knacks…. his heaps of unemployed fat dangled from everywhere and it moved as he turned his back… Dr Joseph and Prof Cherian- the HOD, stood left and right with daggers and spears, as if they are two Gurkha orderly officers, and as if they were the other name of valor.. Cherian looked a bit too polite… unnecessarily polite I must say…

The King took his huge sword and as I knelt on the investiture stool, he touched my right and then left shoulder with his sword and said.. I ordain you as a lord of all the land and seas in my command and proclaim you as the grand commander of the GIM empire….

I guess I laughed, and Anand had to hit my shoulder quite hard and made me crash land…

Two students of the senior batch walked in , and walked to us.. when I saw them amidst the pain that my dear friend left on my shoulder they were almost next to us…

The senior batch is giving a thanks party sir…. One of them said-I had forgotten the name.. and we are here to invite you…

Hey … Anand exclaimed in joy as if he was a kid an his dad just offered him a trip to Disney land … that is so cooooooooollllllllllllllllll …. I always told you are one awesome batch…

That is some thing every teacher tells his passing out batch… Huh.. I sighed in disgust….
Anand stared at me for a spilt second at my contemptuous sigh and my even more condescending looks and then returned to the invitation committee…

This is after the farewell or with it? - He asked …

After the farewell sir.. said the other guy ,whose name(again) was in the tip of my tongue but refused to come out…

This is between us and the faculty… They said as they handed over two copies of hand written invite cards to us…farewell is given to us by the juniors….

Anand had a rewarded laugh on his face….

Thanks Gopi and thanks Suhail… said Anand standing up and shaking hands with them and then hugging them….

Oopppsss!!!! that was Suhail Khan and I didn’t remember his name….

Haven’t you been to a party before? ....I asked him in disdain …

Anand was still in his carrot juice… He didn’t bother to reply…

I cannot understand some thing.. I said ……I hate all the pretensions and we will miss your batch talk… we really dont miss them ..do we?

Anand gave me an Oh you do? Looks…

When we were walking back to the main building, Anand still hadn’t talked…. when he talked, he talked like a river… it’s had a lot of waves and whirlpools, but when he stayed silent he looked like the sea… vastly unpredictable and much more dangerous…..

As I was packing my bags that evening, I saw his Orkut status update which said…

“Some people never understand, some….. never want to understand”

In Hot and Sour chicken soup !!!

It gets funny when adults behave like kids.. most of us know that but quite often we do not… If we sit and watch unconnected, most of the games people play would look toddle like, and some times even worse…

GIM after the awards looked like a crèche where kids played unperturbed by the outsiders world… I for a few days was one among them, refusing to come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t got a toy which some other kids in the crèche had been given to play with and hence I wouldn’t talk to them- any of them … I sat alone most of the time as if I was practicing the role of Devdas the lost lover, sans the bottle of course… it was naïve but for me to realize the extent of my naiveté, Anand had to come back…

Exams had begun and as usual at GIM the teachers who supervised were more strained than the kids who wrote their papers…the ubiquitous camera that made instant actors, forced us to be in our toes- as Johnie walker ads would say- keep walking…

On the second day of exams, when I came to my cabin after handing over the days answer sheets, remaining question papers and all the stuff to the exam department,there lingered a strong smell of denim.. Anand was back, I knew… …

What about a lunch out Suk? ......He asked me as we met… He looked far better than he was when he left fifteen days back… he still was a poor version of his earlier self but for me, Anand by then ,was some one who was more important than his looks were.. he had slowly walked over the definition of charm and charisma… even with his frail figure and bald head he was as alluring as with his David posture and macho looks…

When you hug me… he said .... I feel a lot relieved..

I laughed and said… it should have been my dialogue.. you snatched it from my lips you @#$%^&*…

Sri Laxmi drove her car and surprisingly chose to remain silent…..she was a slow driver and every time we traveled with her at the wheels, Anand showered his consummate sense of humor on women driving quite unkindly and she used to reply in her usual aggression… That day but, she was neither the same chatterbox who she generally was, nor the tit for tat specialist that she was with me…

What if you get an offer from another B school? … Anand asked me suddenly, catching me quite raw with my reaction…

Another B school? ….

Yeah……said Anand… a better one.. a better managed one, where dining tables and board tables would not be the same, where jerks don’t do things at the whims and fancies and still call it management, where they teach management and practice it as well…

GIM was none of this, and I know that ….but …..

Sri Laxmi and her car had taken us to the restaurant …

I didn’t dare to restart the topic.. I know Anand would…

Sitting with his soup bowl he did as I anticipated… his eyes, which once had an unusual glitter now had gone deep inside… his head showed signs of his hair coming back but his wavy hair that would flutter in the breeze was for sure missing…….

Would it be wrong if I say that you have gone jealous…? He asked me, in a voice which but was sharper than ever before, as I was taking in my first spoon of hot and pepper chicken soup…

It got stuck… the soup and the question….a drops of tear each, from my eyes made it impossible to see anand, again because of the soup as well as the question….

Jealous of…?.... I managed to ask finally, leaving the soup on the table….

May be every one, except me…he said….

I am not .. I protested… yeah ....you deserve to be in the ten, but not many of the others,,,,,

Is that your problem, or the fact that you are not in there… He again asked as Sri Laxmi sat stirring her spicy parsnip and carrot soup bowl, as if she was hunting for some treasure….

Both are same.. I said as even as he stopped me …

No .. he said firmly…. and you know that…..

I didn’t know that but now I knew that there was a me in me that I didn’t see, but he did…

I deserve to be there Anand… I said … that is my only problem….

You know why you are not there? ... he asked unabashed....

I didn’t know… I wanted to know though…

We teach in a B school Suk… here the kids learn from us in the class but more than that from outside the class…. Anand said as if I didn’t know that basic funda of B school teaching….

I gave him a "PLEASE DON’T GIVE ME A LECTURE" look…

I know you know that.. he said with a smile…. But you don’t know that outside the class you are a zero… you haven’t left a mark on the minds of the kids….you couldn’t be a role model for them… you couldn’t stand up in their minds when they think of a teacher they adore…. Anand Mohan could easily be that but my pleasure will be the day when Sukesh Menon does it…

I had my eyes wet again, this time not for the soup….. I had long forgotten it, it wasn’t leaving any nice tingle in my mouth… he hadn’t say anything new.. I knew that, and yet I didn’t know any of it….

Sri Laxmi continued her treasure hunt in the soup bowl , even as Anand finished his soup and the bearer came to take further orders….

Forget EMEP, forget all the dreams to change the system.. but remember Operation applecart.. he told me holding my hands,,,, You have the thing in you Suk…. You just have to see it… hold a mirror to your inner self…

I didn’t need a mirror.... with Anand sitting opposite, I really didn’t….

Forget Management … he said and called the waiter.... let's order some Chicken curry !!!!