All the King's men !!!

The annual convocation day.

The big wigs of GIM in convocation attire- long robes with all its silk and golden brocades, the hoods, head caps and its golden tassel danglers, the paraphernalia and pomp which every one seem to mirth at , the marching tunes, the rows of students in black robes with golden borders which but by design stood way behind the ones their teachers and the management wore , the smiles , the hugs, the relief in faces that were about to escape, the contented parents, the dinner waiting, the photographs, and the long speeches that was waiting to be vomited from the big guns that sat fully loaded on the stage and finally the moment when each student walks up to the stage with his head held high , shaking hands with the guest and takes his or her certificate and pausing for a photograph…for the ‘convocated’ it was a perfect ending for a not so perfect journey …

Teachers beamed from their seats as the function began. I sat in the second row with Prof Ram next to me and Sri Laxmi just in front. I could see Dr Joseph running up and down with his Aide-de-camp, the oil faced HOD as if they were organizing the whole thing and as if without them, none of the 370 odd kids would pass out that day.

Ram scratched my thighs and said… pretension of the highest order… it is not important how you work, but it is important how you show you work!

Life is a show sir.. I said philosophically......some are show masters

And some just sit and watch … said Ram smilingly…He wanted to scratch again but I skillfully dragged my thighs out of his antenna’s reach…

Ladies and gentlemen .. came Anand’s voice….Welcome to the 16 th annual convocation of God’s institute of management…

Anand was in his best as the anchor … Every year the onus fell on to some faculty .. many have done it but never with the grace and surge like Anand did the MC job… he has immaculate English , with its intonation and accent so spotless and precise , wisdom, wit and words flowing like a clear stream …….

After the long speeches of all and sundry who sat on the stage, the dictums and sermons on life and secrets to success, it was Dr Joy -the King’s turn…

I knew his speech almost word by word…at least the idea remained unchanged year after year and I switched off… I was already hungry… the sounds of my stomach was much more appealing than the empty hum that the unceremoniously fat grand master of the GIM circus delivered that evening…

The best part of the convocation this year was you sir… the kids seem to unanimously declare as they crowded around Anand after the official function and vied to click photographs with him… I walked around unwanted by the photo mongers and feigning to be unperturbed by the flicker and flash that people in robes and their entire din created…As Anand put it once, it wasn’t entertaining to pass off like a ship in the middle of the night…


Looking dull… said Sri Laxmi, as she struggled with a big piece of chicken that refused to plunge into her plate…

And you look quite active.. I said mockingly even when I had my eyes planted at her attempts to get the chicken piece into a ladle spoon and then to her plate with elegance …

You women are quite adamant … I said.. why don’t you take another piece and give way to others..

She wouldn’t listen and tried with even more ferocity as if I was standing there for the same chicken piece… and bang… ! it launched itself to her plate with a thud and with a large gobbet flying and landing on her gold and pink sari…

I laughed and she fumed… For me the best part of the convocation this year was not the show which was done, but this one…

Anand joined us after the photo session but by then we had almost reached the end of our dinner… Sri Laxmi had washed the oil and gravy stains in her sari, which but remained as a shocking reminder of her failed adventure with a bowl of hot chicken curry…

This is awesome .. said Anand .. to see so many happy faces, so many young guys and gals walking into corporate life… I feel so proud….

I didn’t speak; instead I concentrated on the ice-cream…

You no longer go to the gym isn’t it ?.. said Sri Laxmi…

I do….. every month I go and pay the months fees… I said and laughed at my own joke..

Anand and Sri Laxmi that night, either had gone down drastically in their humour appreciation skills, or they had a ploy not to encourage my crude sense of humour.. not any more…

And you don’t feel happy seeing our happy faces… I said with a large globe of ice-cream stuck in my throat …its not every day that GIM gives its subjects such sumptuous feasts…

Anand looked me, and making sure that his fiancé has her attention elsewhere furtively whispered.. FUCK U !!!

The ice cream globe went in with ease !

Ah…. Here is our man… in came the voice of the king who came in with his entourage…. They were still wearing the convocation robes as kids would wear their school dancing dress all the way back home, after the school day…. We stood up- half in amazement at the sudden royal interference and half in reverence ….

Great job professor Anand Mohan… said the king as he first extended his arms to an unsuspecting Anand who still had a glass of juice in his left hand and a spoon on the other.

Then the King hugged the MC of the day and proceeded for dinner with all his palanquin bearers following him.

Sri Laxmi started giggling the moment the group left , and I joined her, much to Anand’s dismay … The group went from corner to corner and table to table , throwing pleasantries at parents and their wards , a shake hand or two to the teachers and the guests and then proceeding to attack the food counter… I could see Jesus clung to his mobile phone most of the time and couldn’t see Manohar- his brother in law who was noted for his absence.. after all such occasion are where the King’s family show cased their unity in diversity..

The Maharajah’s of Mysore ..I said to Sri Laxmi in a hush tone … on a given day every year used to visit their subjects like this…

Sri Laxmi raised her eye brows…

Anand filled in… that was on Dusshera Suk .. and they used to go naked…..

Sri Laxmi sat shocked…and I said..

But I am sure that one would have looked far decent…

And then she laughed… her ice cream fell all over the place, and still she laughed and she almost fell down.. Anand tried to hold her arms but she slipped and fell, this time really down from where she was still laughing……

Anand stood there like an idiot, with one hand up with the spoon still in it and the other one scratching his ass!

In Hot and Sour chicken soup !!!

It gets funny when adults behave like kids.. most of us know that but quite often we do not… If we sit and watch unconnected, most of the games people play would look toddle like, and some times even worse…

GIM after the awards looked like a crèche where kids played unperturbed by the outsiders world… I for a few days was one among them, refusing to come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t got a toy which some other kids in the crèche had been given to play with and hence I wouldn’t talk to them- any of them … I sat alone most of the time as if I was practicing the role of Devdas the lost lover, sans the bottle of course… it was naïve but for me to realize the extent of my naiveté, Anand had to come back…

Exams had begun and as usual at GIM the teachers who supervised were more strained than the kids who wrote their papers…the ubiquitous camera that made instant actors, forced us to be in our toes- as Johnie walker ads would say- keep walking…

On the second day of exams, when I came to my cabin after handing over the days answer sheets, remaining question papers and all the stuff to the exam department,there lingered a strong smell of denim.. Anand was back, I knew… …

What about a lunch out Suk? ......He asked me as we met… He looked far better than he was when he left fifteen days back… he still was a poor version of his earlier self but for me, Anand by then ,was some one who was more important than his looks were.. he had slowly walked over the definition of charm and charisma… even with his frail figure and bald head he was as alluring as with his David posture and macho looks…

When you hug me… he said .... I feel a lot relieved..

I laughed and said… it should have been my dialogue.. you snatched it from my lips you @#$%^&*…

Sri Laxmi drove her car and surprisingly chose to remain silent…..she was a slow driver and every time we traveled with her at the wheels, Anand showered his consummate sense of humor on women driving quite unkindly and she used to reply in her usual aggression… That day but, she was neither the same chatterbox who she generally was, nor the tit for tat specialist that she was with me…

What if you get an offer from another B school? … Anand asked me suddenly, catching me quite raw with my reaction…

Another B school? ….

Yeah……said Anand… a better one.. a better managed one, where dining tables and board tables would not be the same, where jerks don’t do things at the whims and fancies and still call it management, where they teach management and practice it as well…

GIM was none of this, and I know that ….but …..

Sri Laxmi and her car had taken us to the restaurant …

I didn’t dare to restart the topic.. I know Anand would…

Sitting with his soup bowl he did as I anticipated… his eyes, which once had an unusual glitter now had gone deep inside… his head showed signs of his hair coming back but his wavy hair that would flutter in the breeze was for sure missing…….

Would it be wrong if I say that you have gone jealous…? He asked me, in a voice which but was sharper than ever before, as I was taking in my first spoon of hot and pepper chicken soup…

It got stuck… the soup and the question….a drops of tear each, from my eyes made it impossible to see anand, again because of the soup as well as the question….

Jealous of…?.... I managed to ask finally, leaving the soup on the table….

May be every one, except me…he said….

I am not .. I protested… yeah ....you deserve to be in the ten, but not many of the others,,,,,

Is that your problem, or the fact that you are not in there… He again asked as Sri Laxmi sat stirring her spicy parsnip and carrot soup bowl, as if she was hunting for some treasure….

Both are same.. I said as even as he stopped me …

No .. he said firmly…. and you know that…..

I didn’t know that but now I knew that there was a me in me that I didn’t see, but he did…

I deserve to be there Anand… I said … that is my only problem….

You know why you are not there? ... he asked unabashed....

I didn’t know… I wanted to know though…

We teach in a B school Suk… here the kids learn from us in the class but more than that from outside the class…. Anand said as if I didn’t know that basic funda of B school teaching….

I gave him a "PLEASE DON’T GIVE ME A LECTURE" look…

I know you know that.. he said with a smile…. But you don’t know that outside the class you are a zero… you haven’t left a mark on the minds of the kids….you couldn’t be a role model for them… you couldn’t stand up in their minds when they think of a teacher they adore…. Anand Mohan could easily be that but my pleasure will be the day when Sukesh Menon does it…

I had my eyes wet again, this time not for the soup….. I had long forgotten it, it wasn’t leaving any nice tingle in my mouth… he hadn’t say anything new.. I knew that, and yet I didn’t know any of it….

Sri Laxmi continued her treasure hunt in the soup bowl , even as Anand finished his soup and the bearer came to take further orders….

Forget EMEP, forget all the dreams to change the system.. but remember Operation applecart.. he told me holding my hands,,,, You have the thing in you Suk…. You just have to see it… hold a mirror to your inner self…

I didn’t need a mirror.... with Anand sitting opposite, I really didn’t….

Forget Management … he said and called the waiter.... let's order some Chicken curry !!!!

The Rules of Differentiation!!!

Anand again went on leave for his periodic check ups and medication.. I couldn’t get him to advise me every time I wanted to..If I was allowed I would have secretly video taped all events and meetings and show him to read between the lines, hear the unspoken among all the spoken words and unknot each smile,,, … Students were away on their study leave ,only to be seen in one’s and two’s, here and there…

It was during one of those days the announcement came. The annual increments for the ten best faculty and the best teacher award (that the king had promised) were announced. I could hear murmur when (in an unusual style) an office note that passed from cabin to cabin by the hands of Jhansi William, declared the winner who was a dark horse that emerged from nowhere… I guessed the mumble was both about the person and the method of communication…

For the normal, it would be a search in to find their name in the list.. it was money and more over there was no point in being there if you couldn’t be in the first ten,,, But at GIM everyone weird and wonderful… people clamored and discussion started right in the spot .. the paper refused to move from cabin to cabin… it got lost some where but didn’t matter, everyone knew the content..

The fortunate ones smiled, the less fortunate ones garbled and the doubtful ones, with no pre agenda and notice, assembled at the common area of the faculty room…

I didn’t smile or stupor… I for sure knew that I wasn’t the best of teachers, but could have easily placed my self in the first ten.. Among the 40 odd teachers at the B school, but in reality,I was not in the first ten and I didn’t complain.. I didn’t bother to read the list again… for me it was only the case of a missing name- mine…

Sri Laxmi joined me at the canteen… I knew she will start the topic..Why? What? Did you know and all the stuff.. But she didn’t .. she sat like that was no news at all…

Women always amuse me by their strange demeanor … you could never predict them… She didn’t ask or talk anything and strangely I felt odd.. I wanted her to initiate the talk so that I could lash out.. may be growl at the mammoth system like a dog barking on darkness … she but chose to remain like a mobile phone.. ring only when she is not expected to, and not to ring when she is badly anticipated to… Miserable !!!

Your problem is simple.. she said at last, leading to the topic…see me.. I am not worried because I didn’t expect.. where there is no desire , there is no despair..

She had a “am I not great” look in her eyes which glistened.. her stupid philosophy didn’t entreat me to reply but her logic did…. Where is she and where is ME?

What the heck? ............I almost shouted… I didn’t desire for anything.. and even if I did what is the harm..? I know I deserve it…

She giggled…. Sir you know what.. you are contradicting … you didn’t desire it but you know you deserve it and now you have gone desperate …

I didn’t speak, for loss of words for sure and the sight of good old Prof Ram coming in to the canteen…

He walked straight to us… I knew you would be here.. he announced even as he was only half way through…

It didn’t take a genius to guess my where about in times of stress.. stress.. Why should I be stressed.. WTF? ..........I kept telling my boiling mind…

Don’t you think that the whole thing is a sham..?

Ram said as he sat, with a smile of having proven his postulate of "Nothing will change in GIM"…

You mean the award..? asked Sri Laxmi as if she didn’t know the art of speculation…

Of course….. Said Ram with a thump on the table… what is the criteria, I am asking?

Asking whom… ? .....I said to myself…
Me, who only know to run to the canteen revengefully to eat banana fries when driven to a corner ?
Or this stupid girl who never ever wanted to be a teacher in the first place?

He answered to that mind talk of mine… I know you are the wrong person but was wondering whether you still think that these guys can get anything right…

I told him a feeble NO but Ram as usual could see me.. why Ram, any one could read my face like a comic book…

I don’t want it to sound like – you didn’t give me the award so I rebel… said Ram.. but the criteria should be transparent…

Ram was in the list of Best Ten… so I guess he didn’t dispute that part… the criteria of the best teacher award was the only issue … HUH….. I said to myself and took another banana fry to eat…oil dripped from each piece like my HOD’s face…

Each banana fry, for me represented the sullied system.. I knew it is bad but I was in it….
I couldn’t fight it, hence I ate it…

I stood up even as Sri Laxmi looked perplexed and Ram clearly agitated…

Where are you going? … asked Sri Laxmi visibly shaken at my irreverence …

To my cabin.. I said with ridicule… I have to work hard.. I have to be in the number ten list at least next year…

I didn’t look back as I walked out with a thud which later on looked to me like too much of drama for the wrong cause, enacted to the wrong people… The apple cart that Anand used to talk about was upside down… I didn’t care what Anand would have said to this reaction…. Being an ardent fan of the likes of Stephen Covey –he would have said some absurd thing like “it’s how you react to an issue which makes the issue look important”

Suddenly even the theory of relativity that I used to rely on every time a student feed back is taken also looked invalid…Some strange rules of differentiation were being applied.. if f(x) = x n then ..HUH….. I never got it right….

Suddenly, I saw a plot… shady figures devising stratagem to unseat me… I saw slimy and oily shapes of all sizes descending down and dancing around my very existence.. Their holler and cry broke the silence,,, their long and foul tentacles stabbing through the gruesome darkness caught me….I didn’t want awards and increments… I cried….just let me go…. please…

If it was not for Jhansi William who woke me up ,I would have cried out loud….or did I?

Sir.. there is a meeting at the chairman’s cabin… every one has gone….she said looking at me as if she was a kid who just came out of a scary house and I was the operator...

I looked around.. no dirty creatures as in tooth paste ads… no heart breaking laughter.. no friends and foes.. I was all alone and for the first time I felt good ……for a change, silence and darkness didn’t threaten me, at least not as much as the maddening crowds that lived there....

The Sound of Silence !

Anand , called me when I came out of the Kings Chamber to inform of his plan to come back to GIM .I saluted the man for his spirit for I knew that he still had traces of the disease that dreaded him, left on his face and body. His hair had all gone, his skin lost its texture, but he was Anand, as gleeful and spirited as ever,,,, he still had time to recuperate but he wanted to join back.

Back in the faculty room when frowning faces flowed with a strange silence setting the tone as if announcing an impending disaster and I still smiling and walking around in confidence having defeated the other team in the first round, Sri Laxmi called me to the canteen….I could see ED and the HOD closeted, and regrouping as would a group of injured animals. I preferred not to see it when I walked out but the my eyes captured the image before I joined Sri Laxmi who was waiting…

She was looking too very feminine that day.. she always had it -the effeminate effulgence but her vibrancy often hid it… That day but she wore timidity over her beauty and stood in the garden waiting for me….

Your man is coming back… I said with glee… you should be jumping with joy….

She didn’t smile, instead she told me how sad she was for his new looks…

The charm of a man is in his character… I said as if I really believed it... I knew that for some one like her, his looks also mattered…Why her? Looks did matter….

I know that Sukesh sir… she said as we got into the canteen hall which was empty and lifeless.

We sat in a corner table after ordering our regular stuff.

Then what is it that you don’t know?... I asked…

My parents now want me to marry some one else… she said with a drop of tear oozing out of her eyes that spoke volumes…

And what do you want to do..? I didn’t wait to ask….

I value my relations more than anything else… she said…

I still didn’t get my answer… not that I didn’t know that when wanted, women had this unique ability to talk symbolisms but then I wanted her to tell me directly…

She didn’t….

Don’t tell me that it’s your parents who decide… I said sarcastically

I do it … and Anand is mine..she said smiling even when her eyes drizzled…

Uffff … I sighed… then what is the problem….?

She went into silence again…I preferred to remain the same..

When I couldn’t understand her silence, what will I do with her words…?

I am the new alumni relationship co ordinator… she told me as I gobbled banana fries that was one of the very few experiences that people at GIM would love to come back for.


May be they know how much you VALUE your relations… I said with a laugh…. Right person for the right job....personality job fit theory…

She showed her naughty face…

And for the alumni meet next week they have made you the co coordinator now… I got amused… with just a week to go…?

And you didn’t ask why me?... she laughed… I haven’t completed even a batch of teaching and I am the chosen one,,,
May be the King and co thinks its good that way… you don’t know them and they don’t know you… it’s a great way to kick start a relation… I said…

She beamed ,her clean and well placed rows of teeth in display … She could have been in acting, I thought….

I kept wondering at this ability of women to swing their mood as they pleased…

I also kept thinking that if for the alumni meet, the former students didn’t turn up in expected numbers; will she be plotted against?

May be it was just a paradox that Anand came back to GIM, the day when GIM at last decided to hold its first Alumni meet. It was Anand’s brain child that the meet finally took shape and against all odds and 101 reasons that the eccentric management of GIM had against such an idea. I remember how tough it was for the guy with denim smell to go from cabin to cabin and convince every jug head as to how and why it is important for a B School to cultivate its alumni and have good relations with them…

Anand walked slowly from his car and I ran towards him at the first sight. I was in the reception committee of the alumni meet and our job was to stand at the portico and register the names of the alumnus who will grace the occasion. The guys and girls of my team were all well set, well dressed and well behaved… roses and incense were in place, sweets to honour the guests who came back to their alma matter hence nostalgic, and a lot of smiles glittered… Every one smiled, even the ED and the HOD (God knows WHY!!!!)

It looked perfect and every single element was there except the alumni… None of them turned up and it was about 9 30, just half an hour to the show where Dr Joy will light the lamp and tell the GATHERING how important for GIM its ALUMNUS were…

With no one to receive, garland and give sweets to, my team got tired, their smiles disappeared .. the girls in particular seemed regretting for all the efforts that they have taken in improving their looks, having gone vain…

That was the moment when I saw Anand, walking from the canteen side, after parking his car. He wasn’t the same in elegance, he walked frail, looked thinner than I saw him last at his home and wore a cap to keep away glaring eyes from his bald head. When he shook hands and when I hugged him but, I felt relieved… a lot of my pressure oozed out…. He still had the smell of denim and the smell of a winner…

How’s the operation applecart going? He asked me with a smile that had all the charm that was entirely his…

I guess I have upset the whole applecart.. I said even as we walked to the main building of GIM….

He stood there for a minute and said… hey Suk....the key to change,is to let go of your fear….

I stood there even as he walked, and by the time I realised that I was standing there alone, the music had begun ….

So much of sound and yet a lot of silence ....

The show had begun ….

Strategic withdrawal !

It was the weekly counseling day. The students of the Finance specialisation had a very peculiar problem to rise in the counseling sessions.....(The new HOD had introduced this reform where each faculty was assigned a group of students whom they will spend a full session with inside the campus and COUNSEL them…. Often it ended up as complaint sessions where the faculty would just hear things that they could in no way control or change….. For me even that didn’t happen as there was a fear… after all I was the Management’s left hand man…

No faculty ever complained of this Tuglak style reform and no student too, for them it was like a paid holiday….

Very few of their faculty was permanent, said the kids of finance repeatedly ,and the core was mostly drawn from various companies locally and hence when others were in classes they dragged on in the awful canteen or in the students area and when others went back to hostels or with their girl/boy friends for some outing, they sat in classes pretending to be in love with all the jargons and high funda that flew left and right their heads but never into it...And those faculty who joined as full timers either didn’t knew what it meant when they joined and ran away in between( when they realised it) leaving their jobs ,leaving behind more names in the long list of faculty who quit GIM or simply continued defying all notions of a faculty's survival and existence being directly proportional to student likeability ........

The game went on and so did Dr Subhajit Agarwal ,who was with GIM for the past 7 months much to the chagrin of the 'being taught' students of the Finance stream but to the delight of the Management for having employed some one who had the right people in Delhi .....

When I was in the common area with Prof Ram and a host of others chatting about simple nothings in life he came in with a smile and joined us… Ram with his uncanny ability to drag unnecessary people into unnecessary conversation, pulled him into a debate about "why not all good researchers are good teachers or some crap like that".. Sensing danger, I escaped and was walking out when I could still hear loud debates as if at the end of this debate, the King will come down and reward the winner…. ...

For the students he and his like were a tragedy, and no debate could change it, they simply couldn’t understand what he was talking about, not the hard finance, but the simple English....

For the faculty colleagues of his he was a comedy,( me and Anand laughed like hell the first day we met him) .......they wanted some one to giggle at and about, and to prove their point that the HQ (of late) recruited with intentions other than teaching ability in mind....

For the business of business education he was a disgrace, for someone who has written 23 cases and published many a research papers, would look like an asset in paper but in practice he was an NPA... a non performing asset who soon, for GIM was becoming a liability....

You know something… Asked Sri Laxmi who came opposite in the long corridor.. as I was walking out and my destination was the library…

I looked her enquiringly…

Library? .. she asked

I nodded in affirmation, and waited for her to open the news bulletin…

She kept mum as we walked down the stairs…. The classes were all in full swing and it reverberated in the quadrangles…

Demand and supply.. Inflation and deflation… Strategy and blue oceans…. The lessons echoed and created a funny ensemble

I feel hungry ..Sri Laxmy said with an unusual smile…. Heard that our canteen has some real good Chicken curry…

WTF?.............. I mumbled even while staring at her…

Library at GIM was a huge place…… partly HUGE by design but partly also because it was empty all the time, except when they took photos for the college brochure or promotion material when the kids in blazers were made to sit like robots and pretend to read from gigantic books that they never knew ever existed and would never again come in tryst with in life…

Will you listen to me if I tell you something?… she asked as I dragged a chair to sit and as she was already seated…

Women had this; they knew to ask the most unanswerable questions and yet asked them with all the innocence in their faces… How I hoped I could locate the FAQ genes in their brain and crush it…

I smiled, hoping she would understand that better than my spoken words…

Will you.. ? she insisted…

Depends… I said with anger brewed in apathy

Then I will not say…. She acted like a kid who was in her pre school…

Get lost..!!! I almost said but swallowed it when I saw the flutter in her eyes.. I could ignore her tantrums in exchange for the info that she seems to be having and was dying to divulge to me…

I will ..I said… You can trust me…

She didn’t buy it …. It wasn’t her fault.. it always happened.. my eyes defeated my intentions too often than even I could imagine,,,,,

HOD thinks that you need to be axed… she said suddenly even while I was wondering what it would be…I heard him talking to Dr Jesus….

Ever since the enquiry report , which tried to shoot the suspected en masse, went back from my table to the HOD’s with a strong rejoinder and with no signature of mine, he hated me…

But axe?....... I sat bewildered…

I was with Jesus when this call came … she told me in a hush tone…. I grasped the major part of the conversation from the way Jesus responded… it was you… your name… your behaviour….your arrogance.... your…

Excuse me… I stopped her… enough!!!…

Hello.. she laughed.. I’m not saying this… I’m just saying what I heard…

But how you know it was Prof Mathew Cherian… it could be any one… after all it’s the world of academics… every one hates everyone else… I argued

Oh no… Jesus hung the phone and asked me… How is Prof Mathew Cherian? Isn’t that proof enough…? ... she said as her eyes sparkled...

I had a larger than usual opening in place where till the other moment I had my mouth….

Exactly..she laughed… I had the same feeling....I also kept my mouth open… I didn’t know what to say…..

PLOTS… I garbled…. Bloody conspirators ….

Now the promise part… Will you? ..........She asked me nonchalantly and why not.. It was least of her problems that all this was happening to me….

Just play it cool… be normal… if you react this guys can smoke you out…. She advised. of course she didnt care whether I liked the advise....

I flashed a smile… It was competition and I taught Marketing …..

Strategic withdrawal is definitely and option!!!

I had to “give up weaker territories and reassign my resources to stronger territories” as per Kotler…

For me ,the next stop was Jesus… in crisis and in war who else but the good shepherd himself?

Share of the Booty !!!

It was a cool morning…

Unusually cold for a summer day but it was.. it had rained all night soothing the hot earth which for days burned like a furnace…. the merciless sun that ruled till the last evening disappeared… clouds loomed as if the night wasn’t enough and it still drizzled, drops fell from no where into the cool gloomy terrain of GIM and made it wet….

GIM stood like an old man caught in the rain, drenched and quivering....

When the call from the top came, I was in the class teaching humour in advertising, the theory of it interspaced with video ads for which the kids waited than for the theory behind it. I left the class with an ad on air, half way through promising to return ……

Dr Joy and Jesus …. said the office boy who came to call me… and many others.. they are all waiting….

Waiting for me? Eh ?… now what was so pressing that I was called leaving behind a class that was in semi ecstasy…?

The enquiry report?

EMEP?

What was it…?

At the Kings Chamber it looked like the ‘who is who’ of GIM… the top brass and all the teachers… top to bottom…. The gossipers, the peeping toms, the complaint boxes, the oil wells, the drooling jacks, the FM radio’s, the fashion queens, the dare devils, the sexists ….

It looked like a village circus….

It was new… this assembly of the GIM intellectual capital at the Kings Chamber, big enough it was but that day it looked too small a place for all that ego to congregate…

Welcome friends…. announced Dr Joy sitting in his throne, flanked by his coterie left and right…..

Today is a special day for GIM…… he said spiritedly…

A hush of murmur went through the crowd….

Any guesses?..... He launched the question like a quiz master would do and the crowd sat there looking for clues to answer….

I didn’t need any clue and same was with Prof Ram who sat next to me in the back row….

The front rows threw answers, some of which bounced, some almost hit the target but not fully….

GIM is accredited by the national board for a period of 5 years and we have also become the largest B School in this part of the country…. declared the king, while the people around him flashed smiles and exchanged congratulations…

I couldn’t see the front rows, I mean the faces of the people seated at the front rows but could imagine how they would all look like…

Largest means more money…. said Ram… more money for the god damn spendthrift family… what is in it for others…?

I did smile but a faded one….

I was searching for Sri Laxmi…. Now that the great secret was out, and it didn’t happen to be my area of interest, my eyes wandered…

This has happened because of all of us .. all of you … said the VC with clean face lines that said that he didn't mean it, standing up , and adjusting his trousers which was oozing down….

In appreciation…. added Dr Joy… we have decided to institute a best faculty award and also give a stupendous salary rise to the ten best faculty members at GIM…

Now that was of interest to me… I’m here ……I’m here… my undisciplined mind cried…

Share of the booty… alibaba style.. said Ram…

Some people found fault in every thing… I thought even while I smiled, as if I agreed and I didn’t want the share….

The details of which will be communicated to you shortly…. said Dr Joy with delight dancing in his huge face….

They are confused between obesity and growth.... I pity them.. said Ram as we walked out... No one else seemed to pity at that point of time.

Smiles and hopes flew out of the room and spread like wild fire all across the faculty rooms and the common area, where under the camera, discussion began all out…

Sri Laxmi walked to me in the corner of the library where I found a refuge and sat with a renewed interest to be among the top ten.. You never know how the management at GIM arrived at the magical ranking…. What if the usage of library was one factor??

Missed you yesterday… she said as she sat opposite to me...

My stomach was empty; still I couldn’t digest what she just said….. I didn’t show it but, instead said…. I am sorry had that stupid enquiry….

You teach communication and advertising…. right sir?.. she asked me with sarcasm…

I didn’t reply…. I got the voice of the question and from my silence she got the answer…

How is Anand…? I asked…

He is fine… it’s the primary stage… curable… and you know him… he is quite brave,,,,, she laughed with energy that seemed fake to me…

Did she say YOU KNOW HIM>>>???

By now I knew everything about them, their love, and their families’ opposition and upon her insistence how he came and met Jesus to charm him and get an offer right away…..

Still..... did I know him?

I could see her pain, and her vain attempts to look courageous.. she was in love with a brave man for sure, but he possibly had to teach her more….

I will meet him today… I said after a long pause… I had hoped to ease the situation…

Her large eyes bloomed….

You could have given him a call …. She said

It is hard for me.. Sri Laxmi… I said with my voice drooping……. I cannot imagine Anand in his present state …

Clouds loomed in her face as the morning sky….drops fell but it burned me like a furnace….….

She tried to hide it from me…. After a moment of imprudence she gave up … may be she realised that hands don’t cover hearts…

I didn’t try to stop her…..

Trial and Tribulation... Part I

I taught advertising that semester. It was my most comfortable domain which I could teach even if I were woken up at the middle of the night and asked to. Not that GIM did it, but did things pretty close to it. Classes ran from 7 30 to 7 30 and often had clashes due to lack of planning quite often, absence of Jesus (remember at GIM even a small swapping had to go through the laborious process of getting the Director’s consent) ,a faculty suddenly going on leave was among a host of reasons that upset the complicated matrix of class allotment. I was just back after one such class that was dumped on me and was planning to relax at my pigeon hole after that third class of the day, which was a case discussion that was left half way through for want of time, when ED called me.

After the advent of the new HOD, the ED rarely did call the Marketing faculty, including me and that was a relief. When the phone rang and his voice came through I was a bit surprised, a bit shocked and a bit curious as to the intentions of that out of the blue bell ringing.

If you remember…. he told me in his cabin without even looking into my face… there was an enquiry that was constituted after the student unrest….

I suddenly went back to the rainy day when students ran mayhem in GIM… I also remembered the day when Anand and I walked into the enquiry trap, him blissfully ignorant and me frighteningly suspicious ….

But Anand has gone….. I thought….

Just because Anand Mohan has left…. The ED said, this time fixing his dirty stare on my eyes, and reading my mind from my eyes….. you cannot run away from the job you were committed with…

Run away was a bad way to put it I thought, but then I was in no position to correct it…. When he called, Sri Laxmi had just left my cabin, leaving me heavy hearted, sharing a lot of joy and pain, shedding a lot of tears and glee, clearing me of my assumptions that I was so very loutishly nourishing in mind…

I chose to stand silent…

It was clear that he had made his war plan and just wanted some one at the other side… He had dug out an issue and chose me, the nearest sitting dumbo for the honours…. I was, but in no mood to fall victim to his post lunch past time hunt and stood there as if at that point of time, I would obey anything he ordered.

Visibly disillusioned he said …..

Along with Prof Mathew Cherian, you will start the enquiry process today…. and added with his matchless laugh that evicted more gases than any volcano and produced more sounds than a thunderstorm…. The VC expects a report by Monday next….

But sir… I said with hesitation even as he kept laughing… I have never conducted and enquiry before….and Prof Mathew joined just now… he wouldn’t know the actual….

Don’t tell me what to do Sukesh Menon…. shouted the old man with a sudden fury… if you have a doubt about the qualifications of your HOD and what to do , you can go and meet the VC now, or if you are clear allow me to brief him about this….

He didn’t ask me to go but turned his chair to his phone and started calling some one in what I took as a message to go….I showed faces at his ass and walked out of his cabin and out of the faculty room in absolute annoyance.

I kept wondering…. from where, where on earth did GIM hunt and bring such rare specimen?

Prof Ram was there in the corridor when I walked down; he joined me even without asking me where I was going. It was assumed that Sukesh Menon when left the faculty room visibly stressed would go but to the canteen,,, where else?

How do you conduct an enquiry? ......I asked Prof Ram while we passed the reception area from where Dr Joy with a smile hung from the biggest photograph in the world.

Ram looked at me with a funny glance, asking me to elaborate on my question… I told him the whole episode which happened and my worry about the new team mate….

It seems to me that at this time we need education in the obvious more than the enquiry of the obscure …said Ram with a smile, quoting from some one he read….

Yeah … I mean….. how true… I said even as we got seated in the canteen, which looked deserted with only a few footfalls that were unusual at that time of the day.

I am planning to leave it to Prof Mathew and play second fiddle…. I said… that way I guess I can be safe…

How long ?..... demanded Ram… and safe is a relative concept… what have you achieved so far by being safe?

Very pertinent question…. I thought, even as I kept staring at Ram’s face as he drank his tea and mine still waiting….

Did he sound like Anand? Or was it just a feeling? …..….

I missed him….

My mobile vibrated and then went silent….

1 message…

Sri Laxmi…..

You said you would like to meet Anand.. Today I am planning to. Would you be interested? If yes come to the main gate some 15 minutes before 5….I will wait for 5 minutes….Thank you in advance…

I sat there reading that direct communication over and over again as if I didn’t understand … My heart started pounding with no logic…. I could see Ram looking at me spiritedly and to my mobile phone.. I am such an idiot who showed it all on his face …

I couldn’t wait …as time simply refused to snail, as the clock bizarrely crept , and as the post lunch silence let loose a siesta in almost all the cabins , I sat impatiently tapping the mouse and playing with my sand clock…. How I hope I had the time machine…

Just when the clock ticked 4, my phone rang…..

Mathew here… came the grumpy voice and I could feel oil flowing out of my receiver….

Yeah sir,,,, I pretended reverence

We need to sit for the enquiry…. He broke into my affectation and said …. I am meeting the management now and will need you when I am back…

But sir… even before I could launch my rejoinder he had gone…..

It was pitching dark when I finally got out of GIM that evening… Prof Mathew had left after the first sitting of the enquiry commission, the trial and tribulation, which but turned out to be the best of all the farces that I had seen at GIM…

I stood there alone, as mist came down covering the huge building and the garden impairing my vision, as darkness sang some sad song into my ears , and as some numbness gripped my legs, refusing to take me to my car at the parking bay………

My mobile had gone dead, out of charge, when I finally decided, sitting in the car that I should talk to Anand...

Ghost of the past !!!

I was sitting unoccupied at the faculty common area when Jesus called me via Jansi William, the faculty assistant. It would have been the last thing I would have liked to do at that point of time, meeting up with the bosses and listen to their pointless brouhaha… But choice was always a question and at GIM, was never available in abundance.

Enroute to the HQ ,I passed Sri Laxmi’s cabin where she sat, looking into some book but not reading from it…. she was probably posing to work for the benefit of the cameras hung from all the nook and corners…..but then how did I know it ?

… I didn’t know.. I just assumed… I was trying to draw pictures as to what would be going through her mind ….as I walked I saw Prof Mathew Cherian coming opposite to me with a smile which I saw but didn’t acknowledge as Anand and Sri Laxmi ruled my mind….…that was the case ever since I got back from the canteen to the main building of GIM and the comforts, to the centralized AC, the music and the soothing peace that it offered, as compared to the dust and din of a ruthless outside world. I didn’t know how I walked back but I remember the blurred vision with which I did, I know for sure that water drops clogged my eyes refusing to fall down but refusing to be taken back either… I knew that I became weak and the large frame that I had wasn’t balancing with the small and feeble mind that I seemed to possess… Anand was a pleasure and then a pain, and when I was trying to forget him as the past, at that hot summer afternoon he suddenly woke me up and never left me to sleep thereafter…..

Professor Sukesh… Professor Mathew called me and I crash landed….He was standing hazardously close to me…

HQ? .. he asked me ….

Yeah Sir… Dr Jesus has called me… I said dryly…

For what ?.. he asked me with inquisitiveness oozing out of his oily face….

Well… I stood there searching for words… I couldn’t tell him that for Jesus that was a preoccupation that when he gets bored of all the women of his harem, he will invite men… for small talks, tea and biscuits, forced humor and a lot of talk about Jesus(the real one!) and his miracles… Father, Son and the Holy Spirit….

Don’t know sir….I said instead…

I have heard that you are a pet of the bosses.. especially the director…but that is past…he said with a scorn even as my eyes bulged out…hope hereafter at least you will learn to respect hierarchies….

He just walked after vomiting that filth, which God knows originated where… I was least interested in the source and even the content…. I knew one thing…another enemy is here at GIM for me and that too just above me in the hierarchy…. As if the ghosts of the past weren’t enough, this new one from the present just walked past me….

I stood there for a while, wondering whether to proceed to meet Jesus or get back and work as per the HOD’s command…… at GIM the question seemingly had no alternative answers… After so many years of teaching management, if I do not know the difference between the boss and an ass, what the heck was me good for…?

Jesus was surrounded by women, who were laughing in mirth as if he was Mr Bean and a show was going on…

I stood there outside his cabin, seeing the fun gun sprouting across the room through the large glass door…. Jesus gestured me to get in, and I went in to be standing there as all the seats were full with women…… Madam Secretary was still laughing quite animatedly, but when she saw my ugly face popping into the cabin she suddenly stopped, as if she was some heroine and I was the rapist villain…

Jesus understood my predicament when I said…. Should I come back later sir…if you are busy,,,,,

Did I add a bit of sarcasm in that…? Did that sound genuine enough,,,??

No no….. he said… please you sit…. And that was indication enough for the women’s society to push off….

Have you read the monk…. He asked me when finally the cabin was left to us… me and Jesus…

The what…? I exclaimed…

The Monk who sold his Ferrari…or Think and grow rich… said Jesus… by Napoleon hill….

I was wondering at his motive… is this going to be an afternoon session on books that he read and I didn’t, and hence I should… or just a free display of gyan, or another evangelist session…? Or was there something else which for my mortal eyes wasn’t visible…….?

Yeah have read…. I said, looking into his eyes with suspicion that wasn’t easy to hide especially when one faced Jesus the evangelist….but why now?

Before you make assumptions you should think… you tend to hyper react… which is not good… Said the man with a smile… I know you wouldn’t agree now, but if you sit and think you will know…

I was cornered… I couldn’t connect… Jesus was often like women,,,, he saw things which others never did, he heard things which others never did, and he talked things which others never did and never did understood….

Can I know the context sir…. I pleaded as I was genuinely worried…

The oily face of my new HOD from where hatred mixed with jealousy and oil poured out in an interesting mixure,who threatened me unabashedly, suddenly ran amok in my mind ….

It is simple Sukesh.. you are like my brother…. Said Jesus, for a millionth time, which meant nothing to me and to him… I knew that, probably he knew that as well…

I sat straight and alert to hear him… when was the last when I assumed things..? I wanted to know…

This is not fair…. Came a voice first and then shouting and grumbling Prof Ram suddenly and with no warning… He could have knocked at least, I thought…

Jesus didn’t panic as I did… I was taken aback but he had a smile as if he knew the advent of the old war horse…

What sir.. asked Jesus even as he gestured Ram to sit, in a chair next to me…

He threw a piece of paper into the table and said… please read this….

Jesus took it and read for a second and then gave it to me…

Read it Sukesh,please.... I forgot my glasses…. He said…

I took it and glanced through the paper for a minute.. it was a printout from GIM’s official webpage… it read….

We don’t follow the crowd, instead follow a different methodology. Theory, we do teach but not like what others do. GIM believes in practical learning and we….

Jesus gestured me to stop and so did I.…

Now what about that…? Asked Jesus impatiently…

Will you tell your executive director also to read this stuff…? ... demanded Ram with matching impatience…

I sensed danger and wanted to escape… Jesus read my wriggling in uneasiness and allowed me to go…..

Ram and his problems least bothered me…. When I reached back to my cabin, Sri Laxmi was sitting there waiting….

Now what was that..?

Another ghost from the past?

The male gynecologist!!!

Prof Ram was like a senior male gynecologist, he was an expert and knew the thing, but was very rarely in demand. He was never my role model and idea guru but I with awe had admired the courage with which he called spades as spades and not garden tools.. the guts with which he stood up and shouted at enemies who often simply ignored him either by design or by default ….

I but went to him seeking his advise (after a long gap) for the EMEP show management which after the launch fanfare was entirely left to me as my headache. When women gynecologist is not available, don’t we for want of an option accept men??

What is the objective?...... he asked me a question which every prof asked his students who did some project….

I didn’t have an answer, a clear one I mean, just like every other student who did an academic project and happened to be across his or her prof answering funny questions….

You are coordinating it aren’t you? .....asked him with mockery that oozed out of his bearded face…

I didn’t reply... I knew he didn’t expect one….

It is a farce….. he said in a boring monotone…. this whole thing… EMEP and all this humbug….

It wasn’t a new piece of breaking news for me... at GIM it surely was a travesty but I didn’t expect ram to put it so unbolted to me…a hapless me was there before him seeking help and not advises... a me who till the other day was jubilant and whom he had praised as the only outsider to have got chosen to do this job… a me who now was left with no friends to turn to…

Nothing can replace classrooms…Ram kept saying… when we don’t have sufficient time to finish classes you should have known that this will become a burden for you….

Even I agreed to the first part but the second one was disgusting… I didn’t decide.. I didn’t even know and everyone knew how it was blissfully passed on to my unsuspecting head…

Yeah sir… I kept mumbling but my face would have said a NO.. a big NO… I realised it suddenly when Ram got struck… he read my face and knew that my YES meant a NO….

I didn’t mean to hurt you… he said mollifyingly …

Oh yeah… I said to myself but this time smiling as if I was pacified…

What all you have in mind? ….he asked me suddenly

I kept wondering… I for a moment forgot that the topic of discussion was the EMEP programme where I was supposed to engage all the 400 odd MBA guys and gals of GIM every afternoon and with no class rooms and lectures it was challenging for sure but more importantly it was a pain, day in and day out….

Corporate theatre ….The great debate … quizzes….. and what more???

Please present to us a plan… a detailed item to item proposal… we have planned it meticulously ….now the execution has to match it….had said the VC….

We will have sub teams.... lead by faculties and with students implementing it…one day one team… a week five teams… had reminded Jesus…

Other than that I had nothing in my mind….. it was just empty….

Ram couldn’t help much and I sat in the canteen that afternoon with the plan sheets and activity charts that were refusing to take shape. I remembered Anand and his ideas for the programme…the plans we made.. the tsunami of change that EMEP could be bringing to the GIM world,,,,

I missed Anand and his energy… he was the one who began it and then in between disappeared…Why was it that no one missed him?.. no one ever spoke about him?? It was almost 3 days since he had done the vanishing trick and the great change agent was not visible anywhere by his absence… the only one who missed him was me… and may be Sri Laxmi…. Her thought suddenly bought a smile unto my tired face… her face bought a breeze into my barren thoughts.. a drizzle happened on my dry sands of hopelessness..

Yeah man… I patted my own intelligence… I had got it.. the game… I just couldn’t believe that I could be that smart…. In this game of chess, Sri Laxmi was my next move…

Back in office, the plan got ready as dramatic as the launch of the EMEP programme.. I modeled on the management style that never consulted but JUST conveyed… I sent out mails to all the five selected faculty that they will be in charge of one particular afternoon and that is it.. to add to the safety I just added a small clause… "In consultation with the director, it has been decided that you will be the event coordinator for the quiz afternoon/debate afternoon/ "etc…the intelligent ones would understand it, but in GIM they wouldn’t have survived hadn’t they been intelligent….

What is corporate theatre? Sri Laxmi called me over the intercom obviously after having read the mail which proclaimed her role in the EMEP programme…

Why do you sound rude? .....I asked in half romance and half satire…..

Ohhhh... ok then...What is corporate theatre..? she repeated in full satire…

How will I know? .....I asked with a stupid grin that she could see (!) from here cabin some half a kilometer away…

What you mean? you conceived it and you should know… she retorted…

It was the great Anand Mohan who did it… and who better will, than you Madam Sri Laxmi will know of his conceiving abilities?…

You mean to say I got to call Professor Anand and find out?.... She asked, ignoring the double meaning…

Next time when he calls please do…..I said and before I banged the receiver onto its cradle, added… make a plan and give it to me.. you have 24 hours…

I went to Jesus to report on how fast things were moving (and how smart I indeed was) and told him of the plan in a broad outline… he kept calling people, and attending calls,taking printouts, cracking jokes to the women crowd who made his office look like a harem, and when he got time ,in between attending to me in half interest.. It was not my headache whether he got it fully; I just wanted to keep him in the loop…..

Prof Ram was walking frantically next to my cabin, ostensibly in the look out for me… I hadn’t made him an afternoon coordinator, knowing his apathy to the whole issue..

Come on… he dragged me out of the room to a silent corner near the stairs where the GIM world opened to 1,2500 square feet of management education…

Why is Sri Laxmi crying..? he asked me….

What?.... I know I looked stupid, but why was it that the buck stops at me…

What did you tell her…? She was crying and ED was pacifying her… your name was being taken… be careful…. he said and quickly departed….

I didn’t venture to go in… I couldn’t go out either,,,, I stood there alone at the long corridor thinking…..

Why do some guys run behind issues that they know they are not going to solve?

I had no answer.. the closer one was this.....

Why do dogs run behind cars which they know they are not going to drive?

Say’s law…

Anand and me had very few things in common and yet we complimented each other so very perfectly. Things but had changed after the discourse by Ram in the canteen. The friend that I found in Anand had suddenly died and the trust that I had slowly developed in him evaporated. Not that Srilaxmi was the issue (!) but the way he handled it was. I some how had got into an impression that as a friend he will and should share everything with me as did I , a fool whose heart lay open and anyone could access it like a free software. I but this time was sure about my insistence and determination… I need to repackage and reposition myself….

When Dr Joseph the ED called for a weekly meeting, this time with subject allocation for the upcoming semester as the agenda I decided not to take my notepad and not to be seated near Anand for sure. It was easy for me as the meeting room was just next to my cabin, the pigeon hole where I sat, under a camera. Anand was in his usual best walking from cabin to cabin, with jokes and camaraderie which came naturally to him. For once I despised it, as I sat there seeing it, the loudness of it, the emptiness of it. He didn’t go to one cabin and that was Sri Laxmi… thanks to Ram ,or else I would never had had noted it…

Bastard… I muttered even as I waited for him to come to me with his charm and wit…I wanted to tear him into pieces ….

The meeting began and this time I sat in the front row, even as Dr Joseph rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Ram sat next to me, but that was suitable in the changed circumstances.

It is decided based on our last meeting... said the ED… to introduce a couple of new subjects in the current semester and the respective faculty members are already working on them…

A murmur ,albeit a small one erupted from the 25 or so faculty members of GIM who sat with mixed set of reactions in their faces. The more experienced ones were more composed and apathetic but the relatively newer ones showed fear, hope and joy when names and subjects were announced.....

This made GIM a funny place -the demand supply game and GIM believed in Say’s law which famously said that the supply will take care of its demand…In simple terms the economics guy will get to teach Consumer Behavior and the operations guy will be asked to handle Marketing I …. I kept switched off from all the courses and people until he said my name… Mr Sukesh Menon this time will handle International Marketing and Mr Anand Mohan will handle Advertising and Promotion Management.

My paper.. given to Anand….? Said my mind as my heart beat went up…fuck the ED….

He hadn’t said that fully before I raised my hand, and shouted .Ram was aghast by my voice so much so that he almost fell off as I spoke.

With due respects sir… I said to the ED…. Can I know the reason for such a change… I mean the logic?

The ED scouted for a reason and for the right words to sell the reason to me… I got confident seeing his plight.. he ostensibly wasn’t prepared for this and I could read it from the old man’s face …and I had a kind of courage that sprang up as a surprise even to me, a shiver that spread to every cell... all the habiliments of a moderate psuedo loyal that I wore was torn off suddenly.

What reason do you want? He finally countered me with a question…

I smiled… a question for a question cannot be the answer!!!

The logic for this sudden shift… the course which I have handled for three years and perfected it, I need to know why it is taken off from me.. I asked

I knew that the crowd was getting restless at this abrupt defiance from an otherwise obedient me… and I knew that the ED knew that IF he had to give me logic, he would end up doing that to everyone who got a new and even worse, unrelated subjects to handle.

Who said you have perfected it? .....asked the ED in what I thought was a poor attempt to skirt away from the question…

I saw a smile in Anand and a couple of others, but by and large I saw support and sympathy in other faces which emboldened me.

What more you want than the student feed back? ….I asked even as I stood up… and I want you to discuss that in this meeting… and in any case that was not an answer to my question which you are trying to drift away from.

The ED looked insipid and anemic … I even thought that he will faint, if I could trust his looks at that point of time.

There is a point in what he is saying… said Prof Ram, and it was a support that I needed much in that battle.

Why not we allow people to pursue with their favorite areas, particularly when they have proven it? ....said some one else..

Mixing up will not help.. let us keep going with the status quo.. said another voice…

A big smile bloomed in me,a very confident one, a one which only a winner can afford, a rare one armed with which I looked back and fixed a glance at Anand.. he but, still had that same smile in his face as if he was unperturbed and all this was trivial for his larger than life persona…

I hated him….

The ED had to heed under pressure but not before putting in place a stare on my eyes before he did and allocate the new papers to the newer people..

I got my subject back and my victory which I snatched from the jaws of defeat . But one thing kept unsettling me…

That smile… The more I tried to decode it the more confusing it became…

Anand and his smile….

How can people smile even in the face of defeat?

The burden of reason!!!

The ordeal of exams was over in a week, but for us the real exam began just then. No…. not the truck loads of answer sheets that was bundled and unloaded with impunity at our pigeon holes, but the dirty job that the King had put on our heads- me and Anand….

I had walked out of the room seeming in anger and rage over the choice… (Why me?) but more than the various factors that the top analysed and finally zeroed in me and my best friend (Did some one say when you have friends like this you don’t need enemies?) what annoyed me was Anand’s irritating glee at the admiration that we won at the Kings chamber… the practical wisdom that he was full of, suddenly became history and it kept fading every time he repeated “ it is a privilege” ...... I felt he was taking it to heart, as kids will learn multiplication tables, without meaning it, or knowing what was the implication.

For me it meant disaster… the more I tried to avoid being on the stage, the more I was dragged into it….

The huge portrait of Dr Joy at the reception was being removed when I walked out, this time alone to the canteen. I didn’t dispute Anand and his delight, didn’t venture to tutor him on how precarious would it be to preside over an enquiry commission at GIM where some students will have to be indicted at the end of the show… it would invite wrath if they were indicted, it would provoke fire if they were not… catch 22 as they call it…

Prof Ram was there in the canteen, with a big book (on strategy) and half a cup of tea which was vying for attention. He didn’t see me as I walked in and it was quiet like an ICU of a hospital. It was post exam break and the kids had gone home- away and free from the world of business studies and books,,, I went far from Ram and sat in a corner and regretted for not having a habit of carrying some book whenever I walked around. It was an easy curtain to hide…... It gave a shield of intellect while saving from glares and stares of a lesser than kind world.

Sri Laxmi walked in as well unsettling my plans of a lone afternoon where I could be myself and seen less and not on stage…

I saw you coming this side.. she said with an infectious smile which she carried as a weapon whenever she needed help…

Ohhh so you came in search of me… I asked sheepishly…

Yeah… she said with a grin and a sparkle in her eyes… I need to … who else but Prof Sukesh Menon , my first friend at GIM can be my saviour…

This time whose toilet ? … I asked her with lavish smile ,the reply for which erupted as a rage in her face. She was about to sit , but hearing me she didn’t and stood there staring at me…

How could you say that…. She yelled after a long gap even as tears rolled out from her cheeks as if they were just there, waiting for a nod…I hated this… God did a mistake by making women, and topped the mistake by bestowing them with the most lethal weapon .. tears which they used like an ATM card ..any where , anytime…

Ram turned around hearing the scream and saw her standing and in tears… I sat there stunned, like a criminal (I was an offender but …) I couldn’t react … in fact I couldn’t even move in spite of seeing Ram getting up and walking towards us…

Sri Laxmi… please… I some how managed to say…. I am sorry…. Please….

She was not that pleased but some how she left before Ram could start his enquiry….

He came and sat just opposite to me with his face full of question marks… Strategy and tea could wait as they were left alone where he sat … It was just a question of whether I would want him to ask me and then would reply or I will start the confession right away…

It’s about the seminar… I said and he didn’t believe it for sure….

Oh yeah… Ram smiled suggestively…. Is she sad that her speakers are not yet confirmed…?

I got the sarcasm but preferred to play the fool…

She is missing you in action…. Said Ram and as he leaned over the table hushing his voice to continue…there is a strong rumour in the faculty room…

I got a fright of my life… this bomb was not new to me and had heard it a couple of times ever since the toilet thing happened… ever since ED- the old bastard praised our chemistry… But I some how hoped that it had all died down…

I stared at his face even as I prepared my possible answers…I could defend it but I wanted to look genuine, convincing and not panicky for sure… I could say that we were just colleagues and nothing more that is if he was willing to listen….

He again leaned, this time too perilously close to me and with three legs of his plastic chair on air and one leg ready to take off…

Have you ever seen Sri Laxmi and Anand Mohan together..? he asked me even as he looked both sides to ensure absolute secrecy…He looked like a spy who was in a clandestine meeting selling nuclear secrets to the enemy…

WHAT? ......I asked… I was shocked at this O Henry twist… I rubbed off all the answers and arguments I had prepared in mind and sat fresh… sat straight and erect…

I didn’t hear you …

I said have you ever seen Anand and Sri Laxmi together?.... He repeated… or ever knew that they have some connection?

No was my answer, a firm big blatant NO….but I paused… I did rewind my mind button… it ran fast… backwards… and got stuck at a point… pause…..

Didn’t Anand call me/ SMS me once.. twice from nowhere… many times when ever she came to my cabin from her's to meet me…

Didn’t he echo the things that I had blurted out to her…

And hey Sukesh…. My mind suddenly raised an alarm… Remember she had a smell of denim when she came in to your car once asking for lift…

Anand and Srilaxmi…? Together…?

Yet I was not sure… I mean I was not sure whether Ram meant the same… I but knew that my eyes had popped out and I looked pale and bloodless…

They are lovers… said Ram…. from long time and I am told that he came here on her reference…they don’t talk to each other just to keep stories at bay.. Evenings they are but always together,,, many have seen them….

I was guffawed and Ram could read it easily from my jaws that dropped, and my eyes that suddenly and for no reason got wet..

You did not know this? Ram put his final nail as he took back his chair to a safe landing but making me afloat and more insecure….

Ram left me alone possibly with a contention of having ignited me or even probably wanting to share more but knew that I couldn’t take any more that day….

But I haven’t ever seen them together… I will not believe it until I see it… the rational self told the emotional self in me…the burden of reason, but was painful…

My mobile rang…

Anand calling………it said

Experiential learning... part I

I went back, to the happy news that Anand Mohan was supposed to break to me the other day. I was appointed as the coordinator of the Experiential Management Education Process (EMEP) which was conceived and envisaged by the top with inputs from wizards like the ED and thrust upon me and the students of MBA. It was just the latest one in a series of programmes that was launched and withdrawn but the ones like me who was caught unawares were usually the victims. It was acceptable that when it was conceived the executor was never told but it was not tolerable that even when it was to be executed, the executor was kept in darkness, totally.

EMEP programme is designed for the wholesome management learning experience to be transferred to the pupil through various means that are non classroom type and to supplement the class room learning that will make perfect managers…

said the document which announced my coronation and when I stood there at the notice board reading it, I saw eyes, many pairs of them staring at me and my name in midst of the semantic jugglery which seemed to have been made to make the whole announcement look mystifying.

Happy eh…? Asked Prof Ram while I sat in the common area of the faculty room…

EMEP Menon… some one said… has arrived….

I didn’t respond.. I didn’t know what the whole thing was about… In fact I didn’t even remember what EMEP was… Jesus would have known it and so was ED but no one else… I for sure no…

The management recognizes talent… said some one smiling in sarcasm …. The right person for the right job…

Many others laughed in mirth… John Holland would be proud… the personality job fit theory is being proven right….

I hated the academic community for its propensity with which it prejudged people and the penchant with which it found delight in it … but I was one among them and may be in more than one occasion I have done the same as well.

I sat there with a smile just because I knew that boys don’t cry …

How I hoped that the cameras had recorded it all and Jesus had just walked in with a stick punishing the bad.

How I hoped that the notice just disappeared or gave some other name instead of mine as the coordinator of the EMEP show…

How I hoped that no one could read it till I make it clear from Dr Joseph the ED or even Jesus as to what this new thing was…

How I hoped that I could ask some one…..WHY ME?

The ED didn’t help much and talked without clear answers.. he specialized in vague and formless talk when he desired so and it was clear that my answer will not come from the old war horse…

EMEP will help them achieve what class rooms cannot… he told me… its is a pioneering method which so far no B school has adopted and we are going to create history of sorts…

It was not my answer… I mean… not for the worry I had and which I had put across to him as a question…. and in any case I didn’t want to create history…

The question mark in my face became more prominent and yet he said again…

It is about innovating new pedagogical tools which will complement the management learning and enhance the wide thinking and the open behaviour that management students should be having…

From his verbal diarrhea I could guess who would have written that notice which I read in the notice board and who would have suggested my name to Jesus… He hated me for no reason or for some reason which I couldn’t make out….the toilet episode with Sri Laxmi was a long forgotten one for me, even for Sri laxmi but I guess he still lived there.. inside his stinking toilet….

I had understood what he meant even though the long sentences didn’t make any sense.. I was there and was to take care of a show which will keep the students engaged in an extra curricular stuff during after noons.. I hadn’t had time for the curriculum and now this one…

I didn’t venture to see Jesus as I knew it wouldn’t make any difference… he will not present long winding sentences for sure, nor will he jargonize but he will keep you affianced in his mesmerizing speak which will make you stop thinking about what you are there for and leave the room with him hand in hand feeling so proud that the director of GIM saw you as so dear a friend…

This time I am not going to take it lying down… I swear… I told myself as I wrote it down in my note pad….

Then you will have to try doggy position… said a husky voice from behind…

What …? I turned around to see Anand in a blue shirt and cream trousers, with that classic smile flowing, and the smell of denim announcing his arrival. Any day he was the best dressed person inside the campus and if a voting was done he would for sure win, hands on…

I didn’t get you.. I said apathetically ….

Every time if you are taking it lying down, you cannot enjoy it… said Anand …try alternative positions…

I didn’t reply… I think I didn’t smile even… he didn’t expect any reply either… he went on…

What is your problem? He asked me… quickly adding… other than me???

I smiled this time.. all said and done, his being there gave a respite…

I told you ‘happy news’ is coming… fuck the world… now you are the chosen one… said Anand… Imagine what all we can do … every afternoon, the whole crowd is at our disposal…

I looked into his eyes… he had large striking eyes resolutely set in his handsome face- every inch of which was made to perfection, he stood in a pose which resembled Michelangelo’s David with with one leg holding his full weight and the other leg relaxed. A slight s-curve to the entire torso was his way of standing which made him different…

Stop admiring me… he said accompanied by a loud laugh… and reply…

Admiring my foot… I said in embarrassment … I did admire the guy and his vitality… but was troubled of the possible repercussions of his behaviour…

Can we take a stroll? ....He asked…

I wanted it, wanted badly to escape the gloomy comforts of the faculty room..
Escape its stillness that could kill…Its sound that was torturous …the cameras that make one smirk even in suffering…the populace who could peep over cabins fulsome in jealousy... abundant distrust that flew freely along with the conditioned air from the centralized AC plants…

I just wanted to go where there were no notice boards with words and words in print that meant nothing and no bosses who hurled shocks like stones that rained down along with dying comets!!!

Mission Impossible !

Prof Ram taught strategy or I can safely say he even lived in it.

Day in and day out he talked only strategy and more of strategy as if life was fully about that one term. He knew Jack Welch than perhaps the man himself and wrote about issues, alliances, mergers & acquisitions and the like which made him think of himself as an expert par excellence in his domain.

Lunch time was when he kept us updated about the latest book he was reading and the most recent piece of writing of his which was accepted by some academic journal or magazine and which would be arousing a spirit in us and inspiring us to write as well. Well by US I mean the rest of the teaching community at GIM, but Ram had disenchantment most of the time and it became worse after the advent of Anand mohan into the scene.

It was jokes, hilarity and more laughter for anything and everything at the faculty lounge where the whole group assembled for lunch. Anand was a humorist sans frontiers and made flutter and flap with his mere presence. Ram’s lessons on strategy and his directives and dreams for GIM almost got sunk in the noise.. for the first time in my existence in GIM , I heard and saw people laughing to glory with gibe and jeer top in the agenda…

Kudos Anand .. I said to myself even while refusing to be part of the laughter club. I was invidious at times at the man who like a magician, made us awe, who like a comedian spilled beans of laughter and merry and who like an acrobat did the rare games of audacity and yet walked free…

I kept wondering and almost hoping that he will be summoned by the top after his daredevilry that he displayed during the Delhi teams visit.

Nothing happened!

Dude ! you are a moron… he told me suddenly even as I was busy eating. I loved to laugh but this sudden camaraderie was somehow indigestible for me.

I flashed a smile but kept quiet and went on with my chapattis and my favorite potato fry.

If you eat potatoes like this one day you will burst…. Said Anand even as he sat opposite to me with his lighter sandwich stuffed with leafs and vegetables and a glass of fresh orange juice.

Eat healthy….. he said.. hit the gym…laugh a lot and that keeps you robust ….

Oh yeah …I said annoyed by his aggression … that shows

You hate me... don’t you? He asked me direct.. instantly to my eyes…

He had large and well defined eyes on which floated piercing brown pupil which locked with mine making me feel discomfited ….

NO ....I said loud even as I meant YES and he knew it… Eyes couldn’t lie in any case…

You know Sukesh… he said in a soft tone…

Yeah I know…. I said ,gobbling the potato pieces with delight… you are a born winner and the game is just begun… I know…

Ha ha ha ha .....he laughed …

I don’t have the habit of repeating the same stuff… he said… but haven’t you thought what am I up to?

Yeah I have… I said..but whatever you are up to Anand….At GIM you cannot change things.. you have to accept that…

Says whom? Anand asked me

Says my God damn experience..I almost thundered… you are new and take it from me … you are on one bloody mission impossible….

What if I am the chosen one? He asked me imperturbably

This guy was impossible..

Prof Ram was better that after some insistence he left his hapless victim alone and travelled unaccompanied to utopia.. this guy but stood on your head and had a sadistic bliss in irritating others …

HUH… I screeched in exasperation…

Impossible is nothing dude… he announced even as I stood up and walked outside….

Back in my cabin and after the days war with the
MBA kids and the power points, the cases and the teaching notes, I sat tired… teaching is what I enjoyed but too much of it was making me just a teaching machine… just an LCD projector…

Switch on and you are on… bang!!!

LCD projectors never complained but!!!

Anand Mohan came online in the internal mailing system…

Anand says hello…...a pop up window appeared on my screen…

I care my foot and no hello vello…… just fuck off….

Life is a game… the better player you are the better is your chances of survival….

Again said the pop up….

This time I sat and watched.. read it again and again…

I have heard this before..

some where…. some one …

Shit............ God ....this is the same thing I told Sri Laxmi after the game she played with me….

A splash of denim flooded me….

It grabbed my senses … my brain stopped thinking but my hands reached the intercom….

143.. I dialed and the ring went on…

Impossible is nothing dude… said another pop up which had a smiley :) laughing at me….

Fuck you … I shouted.. and banged the receiver on to the cradle…

Daggers and sheaths...part II

GIM was near to the sea, not the red one but the one which some one somewhere named as Arabian sea and the sight from the GIM building was simply stupendous. The central courtyard gave a panoramic view and as one went up in the lift, one side of which was open to the outdoors with a fibre wall, would get mesmerized by the sheer beauty..

It looked boundless, the vast expanse of green earth with ease merging with the blue sea….

Endless and eternal… as time…

Good Morning sir… some one said and I came back to life, I was in the lift going to the 5 th floor where an MDP meeting was scheduled and I was one of the invitees….

Hi… Good morning…. I said with a hangdog expression of having seen by a student in my dream world.

Suhail Khan … he said with an arm extended…second year MBA

Ohhh yes… I said with a smile… I knew only the guys who took Marketing .. this one was not one among them…

I am into Operations and HR sir… he said as if he too was a mind reader…

Too many of this tribe in GIM.... I thought…

I guess I miss some good lectures in Marketing… he said with a smile… that is what I hear from my folks…

I flashed my uneven row of teeth at the free appreciation that was coming on my way and that too from some one who never had attended my classes.

It was debatable whether he would have had the same opinion if had attended !!

Ha! ….I said…. you made my day Khan… I said with a beam and I meant it… Praise was something I liked, and that too about my teaching skills which I was not that convinced about.

Anand Mohan sat next to me at the MDP room where some corporate clients had come and where presenting their case, some sales issue which the think tank of GIM was trying to make look as a strategy issue with an intention of selling more of their expertise than to solve the client’s issue.

I now had to keep away from this new dare devil as well… Ram was a head ache always but it was easy to avoid him and take distant seats and in meetings like this one he would always prefer the front row and will be there discussing and debating quoting from the GE story and the like…Anand seemed adamant and stuck on to me, wanting to look like thick friends who had met some 15 years after graduation. I liked his presence but not his gallantry which he seemed to be putting on display even at the most inapt spaces….

The Delhi team has recommended for a seat raise …he told me in a hush tone

I stared at him for the outdated news that he was sharing… I mean it was an inevitable finale which all knew particularly after the meeting which ended up as a sham.

The Delhi team (who had come and gone) had been in a fix after the infringement from Anand and the high hopes that he raised in the process. I assumed that Prof ram would jump in the fray, outperform Anand and explain why the FACES were not telling it all…and why as a professional committee who had taken the PAINS to come all the way from Delhi ,how unprofessional it was to depend face reading as a tool to assess employee satisfaction of an institution.

Anand Mohan sat after the intrusion, pleased as his job was done, and possibly expecting veteran mouths to carry on .Ram was the alternative( at least as I saw it) but strangely he did not and bingo the VC stood up. Subramanian Iyer the shrewd tactician was on his legs when I wrote in my note pad…

THE GAME IS OVER!!!!

Let the faculty also speak… he said in a careful tone with an American accent that came naturally to him …. But since everyone cannot speak,due to the time factor, let us have one to represent us….

The chosen one was one of the loyals, who feigned surprise but it showed like the pre practiced expressions of wonder and marvel that the Miss world’s display when the crown is announced….

After the astute move, the master stroke by the VC it all went haywire… I found Ram dumb, Anand still smiling, some others fuming and most of the others falling back to reality after the brief and short lived hope… I always knew why Dr Joy and his team like mad depended on this old man…

I did not know the game here…Anand told me as if in a confession box and I came back to the MDP room.. Some one was still in argument with some one over something that was petty……. I did not know that the one who was asked to speak would sing praises and make it easy for the Delhi team

I smiled, with a ridicule at his ingenuousness.. I saw that the charisma and aura which was the other name of this man was failing but was the dirty mind in me sunny and gleeful at it ?

But you know what Sukesh…. Anand Mohan is a winner….. he said, in what if others would have said would have sounded like an empty audacity but for him suited well…. And the game has just begun…

He didn’t scratch thighs but left deeper lines in my mind…

Ram was better, he never carried himself into my thought and most of the time with him, I heard him, but rarely listened to him. Anand was different… he looked fearless, sounded bravo and up to the point…

That evening when I was about to leave and had just kept my bag and a fat copy of some business book( to give the serious intellectual look most prof’s carry one or two books home and back everyday) in the back seat of my car, a voice interrupted …

Can I get a lift sir…? Said Sri Laxmi as she stood just back to me, with her long flock of hair waving in the soft sea breeze and her large dreamy eyes in full flicker … she looked like she was carved out fresh from the setting sun…

A splash of denim fragrance out of the blue spread in the air… I hadn’t put any denim for a long time and it was for sure not from her either…

The game has just begun… some one whispered into my ears…

The paradigm shi (f) t !

It is funny and even amusing that in life sometimes when we look back we find how outlandish we had behaved to certain situations which if had repeated, we would have done better. Alas! Life is not a DVD player, and there is no rewind or repeat buttons… it has to go on…

Looking back is the utmost one can do.. Or is it not?

In my case it was not.. The Sri Laxmi experience some how made me chary. Careful I always was, cautious I had been but there after I looked like a secret agent apprehensive about everyone, as if all were contriving and conspiring against me.. I looked nervous, all the time and spend my time at class and when I had no class, at some corner of the huge library delving deep into a better world, or in the scorching canteen gulping as many hot banana fries as I could .

Sri Laxmi of course remained as my teaching assistant but stopped coming to the class with me, as she got busy with the PARADIGM SHIFT seminar. Forming student teams, identifying prospective speakers and the like kept her running, most of the time from her pigeon hole to the HQ, where Jesus sat with resplendence. Jesus would have been a happy man… the Paradigm shift seminar had given him a reason, I mean an official reason to be with the most beautiful woman at GIM whenever he wished to.

Are you angry with me? Sri Laxmi had asked me after the drama in Jesus’ room.

I gawked at her with derision …

Life is a game… the better player you are the better is your chances of survival … I told her before admonishing her.

I cared the damn if she too was a spy!!!!

You would be seen as rebelling for the wrong reason ….said Prof Ram later during the lunch break where we usually had fun and frolic at the faculty lounge.

I mean..he added seeing my face which for him resembled a question mark … you will be looking like some one who is jealous that she is the convener of the seminar and you had been asked to help her with no official designation per se…

I protested… That was a new angle that this old man was adding into it…

Think about it … he told me before he left me alone but in an even worse condition…

I was in my cabin during one of those torturous days, when the news broke….

The inspection team from Delhi is coming tomorrow… the ED came out of his cabin to the larger faculty hall where we all sat in a row, in cabins that will even put an internet café to shame.

No grand mothers shall die, no one will fall sick…..he announced as if it was some joke, and he was the main joker of the show. Then as usual he started laughing at his own joke in his style with the giggle and gag going up and down with air escapes in between, making him blush and his thick bush of hair at both his earlobes in full erection out of excitement.

Another drama… Prof Ram told me over the cabin walls…

Ohh … lamented some women in chorus... the month end would have been bothering them.. What will the Delhi team feel when they see the GIM faculty in old and used sari and under make up?

Huh… I said to myself…. Life is about priorities…each one has their own !!!

The VC was out of town and that seemed to be the biggest worry for Dr Joseph the ED.

He expressed it overtly in a hastily convened faculty assembly at his chamber to discuss the do’s and don’ts during the one day performance that we all were expected to put up when the three member team from Delhi will walk around the GIM campus, talking to the
MBA guys and faculty, analyzing, eating and drinking, wearing a mask of absolute seriousness, with grave faces looking like dead men walking around , writing on small note pads, leaning on to the next guy and whispering whenever some on talks something in the meeting sending shivers down the spine of the speaker and ending it up, with a foregone conclusion…

GIM is next to heaven, if not the real one…

Farce!!!

I wrote in my note pad, as I sat in the third row corner very far from Prof Ram in what I thought was a conscious decision to avoid the scratch and scorn.

Sri Laxmi was in the front row, suggesting to me her new status.. a loyal she had become..

Incapability had to be compensated after all!.... my jealous mind found a logic and a dirty bliss in it…

It was that afternoon that this new fellow came in to the GIM faculty room.....

He was tall, unfairly handsome, impeccably well dressed, looking almost like a bollywood hunk who just decided to take a break from his shooting schedule and visit GIM....

I turned around at the smell of splashed denim and there he was, standing just behind me, with a beaming smile…

Hi Sukesh …he said with his left arm extended

I stood up with an ensemble of feelings, panicky I was but pleased I wanted to look as I extended my right arm to give the weakest handshake I had ever given.

I am Anand Mohan …he said in style and in a clear husky voice… your new colleague and friend…..joining the Marketing Department at the great GIM today.

Now that was new to me, I bet. The whole thing looked like another episode in the great GIM drama…

Ohhhh….the first reaction burped out quite suddenly from my open mouth even as bewilderment was in full bloom in my dull eyes

I know I know… he blissfully smiled ,as if in me he had met his long lost childhood friend… we are gonna be great company … I know…

I didn’t know the meaning then…
I didn’t know that he was the man who would change my life for ever, change the course of GIM and its inhabitants ….

We are gonna rock dude… he shook me fully with both his arms firmly on my shoulders and then left me after an affable tap on my cheeks…

The fragrance of denim lingered, the smile stayed behind, the charm simply refused to go even as he went to the ED’s cabin and started his formalities of joining.

Anand Mohan!!! I said to my self….Haven’t I seen this guy before?