I went back, to the happy news that Anand Mohan was supposed to break to me the other day. I was appointed as the coordinator of the Experiential Management Education Process (EMEP) which was conceived and envisaged by the top with inputs from wizards like the ED and thrust upon me and the students of MBA. It was just the latest one in a series of programmes that was launched and withdrawn but the ones like me who was caught unawares were usually the victims. It was acceptable that when it was conceived the executor was never told but it was not tolerable that even when it was to be executed, the executor was kept in darkness, totally.
EMEP programme is designed for the wholesome management learning experience to be transferred to the pupil through various means that are non classroom type and to supplement the class room learning that will make perfect managers…
said the document which announced my coronation and when I stood there at the notice board reading it, I saw eyes, many pairs of them staring at me and my name in midst of the semantic jugglery which seemed to have been made to make the whole announcement look mystifying.
Happy eh…? Asked Prof Ram while I sat in the common area of the faculty room…
EMEP Menon… some one said… has arrived….
I didn’t respond.. I didn’t know what the whole thing was about… In fact I didn’t even remember what EMEP was… Jesus would have known it and so was ED but no one else… I for sure no…
The management recognizes talent… said some one smiling in sarcasm …. The right person for the right job…
Many others laughed in mirth… John Holland would be proud… the personality job fit theory is being proven right….
I hated the academic community for its propensity with which it prejudged people and the penchant with which it found delight in it … but I was one among them and may be in more than one occasion I have done the same as well.
I sat there with a smile just because I knew that boys don’t cry …
How I hoped that the cameras had recorded it all and Jesus had just walked in with a stick punishing the bad.
How I hoped that the notice just disappeared or gave some other name instead of mine as the coordinator of the EMEP show…
How I hoped that no one could read it till I make it clear from Dr Joseph the ED or even Jesus as to what this new thing was…
How I hoped that I could ask some one…..WHY ME?
The ED didn’t help much and talked without clear answers.. he specialized in vague and formless talk when he desired so and it was clear that my answer will not come from the old war horse…
EMEP will help them achieve what class rooms cannot… he told me… its is a pioneering method which so far no B school has adopted and we are going to create history of sorts…
It was not my answer… I mean… not for the worry I had and which I had put across to him as a question…. and in any case I didn’t want to create history…
The question mark in my face became more prominent and yet he said again…
It is about innovating new pedagogical tools which will complement the management learning and enhance the wide thinking and the open behaviour that management students should be having…
From his verbal diarrhea I could guess who would have written that notice which I read in the notice board and who would have suggested my name to Jesus… He hated me for no reason or for some reason which I couldn’t make out….the toilet episode with Sri Laxmi was a long forgotten one for me, even for Sri laxmi but I guess he still lived there.. inside his stinking toilet….
I had understood what he meant even though the long sentences didn’t make any sense.. I was there and was to take care of a show which will keep the students engaged in an extra curricular stuff during after noons.. I hadn’t had time for the curriculum and now this one…
I didn’t venture to see Jesus as I knew it wouldn’t make any difference… he will not present long winding sentences for sure, nor will he jargonize but he will keep you affianced in his mesmerizing speak which will make you stop thinking about what you are there for and leave the room with him hand in hand feeling so proud that the director of GIM saw you as so dear a friend…
This time I am not going to take it lying down… I swear… I told myself as I wrote it down in my note pad….
Then you will have to try doggy position… said a husky voice from behind…
What …? I turned around to see Anand in a blue shirt and cream trousers, with that classic smile flowing, and the smell of denim announcing his arrival. Any day he was the best dressed person inside the campus and if a voting was done he would for sure win, hands on…
I didn’t get you.. I said apathetically ….
Every time if you are taking it lying down, you cannot enjoy it… said Anand …try alternative positions…
I didn’t reply… I think I didn’t smile even… he didn’t expect any reply either… he went on…
What is your problem? He asked me… quickly adding… other than me???
I smiled this time.. all said and done, his being there gave a respite…
I told you ‘happy news’ is coming… fuck the world… now you are the chosen one… said Anand… Imagine what all we can do … every afternoon, the whole crowd is at our disposal…
I looked into his eyes… he had large striking eyes resolutely set in his handsome face- every inch of which was made to perfection, he stood in a pose which resembled Michelangelo’s David with with one leg holding his full weight and the other leg relaxed. A slight s-curve to the entire torso was his way of standing which made him different…
Stop admiring me… he said accompanied by a loud laugh… and reply…
Admiring my foot… I said in embarrassment … I did admire the guy and his vitality… but was troubled of the possible repercussions of his behaviour…
Can we take a stroll? ....He asked…
I wanted it, wanted badly to escape the gloomy comforts of the faculty room..
Escape its stillness that could kill…Its sound that was torturous …the cameras that make one smirk even in suffering…the populace who could peep over cabins fulsome in jealousy... abundant distrust that flew freely along with the conditioned air from the centralized AC plants…
I just wanted to go where there were no notice boards with words and words in print that meant nothing and no bosses who hurled shocks like stones that rained down along with dying comets!!!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Taste of indifference!
Sri Laxmi came and sat opposite to me the next afternoon disturbing my nap…
I was in deep slumber, first with head oscillating left and right and then later half of my huge body on the table and my head on the extended left arm..
I woke up hearing the big laugh… the gal sat there with more chuckles than I could afford at that point of time…
But I am what I am and she was what she was…. elegant as ever or even more, more pompous, more beautiful and more smiling…. like a dream which came descending down with all the heavenly charm..
Yes Madam … I said half awake… how can I help you?
If you remember … she said with her eyes firmly pasted on mine…we are co coordinators of the upcoming seminar… and you seem to be keeping away..
She had become bold… she was no longer the shy damsel who once was lost in the huge interiors of GIM.. she was no longer the same old scared little lass who cried and ran away from the class room unable to bear the kids of GIM…
Her curls of long hairs on both sides of her smooth face moved in tune with the soft breeze and with eyes of such an unsure bluish brown that seemed to have mixed with their whites by mistake, she sat there expecting an answer…
I had nothing much to say… It was a problem of getting the right words and the right content.. being politically right was important… I wanted to keep away from the seminar..My ego didn’t want to play second fiddle to an inexperienced junior girl but my chivalry wouldn’t allow me to be blunt to her with that fact….
May be I should have been an evangelist..…!!!
The phone rang…
Sukesh Menon here… I said
Hey dude… what’s that babe saying… asked Anand on the other side with a dirty laugh…
Huh… I just gasped…
Lucky guy dude…. Got the best babe in town…. he said suggestively...
I didn’t dare to tell him to behave like a professor… Mind your own business.. I whispered instead and kept the phone…
I am into so many other things Sri Laxmi… I murmered without allowing her eyes to lock in mine …. They seemed to be hiding more than what they revealed… or was it just because I saw it that way?
I took it up because they said you will be with me… she said … now I am lost… I don’t know what to do and what next......
Her paradigm shift seminar was none of my worry for sure but she was, her presence was… I wanted to send her off diplomatically…
THEY? Who is that THEY? ......I shot a query to take the discussion to my channel
The management… who else? And you thought I played a game with you to be a coordinator of a stupid seminar…her face blushed with rage….
It is not yet a stupid seminar my dear… I said to myself… if you are going to do it you will for sure make it one…
A smile did bloom in my face which (may be) for her stare appeared like a scorn…
I never knew that you can be so indifferent… she said as she stood up to go but added… Big people have big ego’s I know but I always felt that you are different…
Oh yeah… different and indifferent…. I mumbled as she walked away…
Indifferent? ….
Did she say that?
INDIFFERENT?
That is what Jesus too had told me in the lift the other day…
That was the management’s view point but how did she knew that??
I saw Suhail Khan outside the HQ that evening.. he had a sad look, and agony was looming over it…he looked stressed out and almost about to crumble… If I ask something I was sure he will succumb… wanting to avoid that I tried to walk away without recognising his presence…
He wasn’t ready for that but….
Sir…… Prof Anand is talking to Dr Jesus …. He announced… I guess I will be relieved ....
I tried to smile…
Anand?
The omnipresent James Bond was there every where... he was like snowy dog in tintin series... in every frame... HUH !!!!!…
Why is it that he had no sense of what to do where and what not to do where…? Next time when I get him free I should teach him the serenity prayer.. I kept planning ans that was when Anand Mohan came out of the HQ, cheery and beaming, tapped the guys shoulder and said…. Now you can go and meet him…and let it be the last time ok…
Suhail Khan admiringly looked into the Hunk’s big eyes… He caught the prof’s hands and started crying…
Come on man… Anand said holding him in a tight embrace… be bold… just go in….
I stood there as a silent spectator… This was one rare scene in GIM…. As Suhail went inside, Anand walked away not even acknowledging my being there…
Wasn’t that indifference?
He left a trace of the denim smell and it disturbed me a lot, but the unanswered questions that he left behind was more worrying......
No words in literature can express it fully… you should meet this guy once to know what I mean..
I was in deep slumber, first with head oscillating left and right and then later half of my huge body on the table and my head on the extended left arm..
I woke up hearing the big laugh… the gal sat there with more chuckles than I could afford at that point of time…
But I am what I am and she was what she was…. elegant as ever or even more, more pompous, more beautiful and more smiling…. like a dream which came descending down with all the heavenly charm..
Yes Madam … I said half awake… how can I help you?
If you remember … she said with her eyes firmly pasted on mine…we are co coordinators of the upcoming seminar… and you seem to be keeping away..
She had become bold… she was no longer the shy damsel who once was lost in the huge interiors of GIM.. she was no longer the same old scared little lass who cried and ran away from the class room unable to bear the kids of GIM…
Her curls of long hairs on both sides of her smooth face moved in tune with the soft breeze and with eyes of such an unsure bluish brown that seemed to have mixed with their whites by mistake, she sat there expecting an answer…
I had nothing much to say… It was a problem of getting the right words and the right content.. being politically right was important… I wanted to keep away from the seminar..My ego didn’t want to play second fiddle to an inexperienced junior girl but my chivalry wouldn’t allow me to be blunt to her with that fact….
May be I should have been an evangelist..…!!!
The phone rang…
Sukesh Menon here… I said
Hey dude… what’s that babe saying… asked Anand on the other side with a dirty laugh…
Huh… I just gasped…
Lucky guy dude…. Got the best babe in town…. he said suggestively...
I didn’t dare to tell him to behave like a professor… Mind your own business.. I whispered instead and kept the phone…
I am into so many other things Sri Laxmi… I murmered without allowing her eyes to lock in mine …. They seemed to be hiding more than what they revealed… or was it just because I saw it that way?
I took it up because they said you will be with me… she said … now I am lost… I don’t know what to do and what next......
Her paradigm shift seminar was none of my worry for sure but she was, her presence was… I wanted to send her off diplomatically…
THEY? Who is that THEY? ......I shot a query to take the discussion to my channel
The management… who else? And you thought I played a game with you to be a coordinator of a stupid seminar…her face blushed with rage….
It is not yet a stupid seminar my dear… I said to myself… if you are going to do it you will for sure make it one…
A smile did bloom in my face which (may be) for her stare appeared like a scorn…
I never knew that you can be so indifferent… she said as she stood up to go but added… Big people have big ego’s I know but I always felt that you are different…
Oh yeah… different and indifferent…. I mumbled as she walked away…
Indifferent? ….
Did she say that?
INDIFFERENT?
That is what Jesus too had told me in the lift the other day…
That was the management’s view point but how did she knew that??
I saw Suhail Khan outside the HQ that evening.. he had a sad look, and agony was looming over it…he looked stressed out and almost about to crumble… If I ask something I was sure he will succumb… wanting to avoid that I tried to walk away without recognising his presence…
He wasn’t ready for that but….
Sir…… Prof Anand is talking to Dr Jesus …. He announced… I guess I will be relieved ....
I tried to smile…
Anand?
The omnipresent James Bond was there every where... he was like snowy dog in tintin series... in every frame... HUH !!!!!…
Why is it that he had no sense of what to do where and what not to do where…? Next time when I get him free I should teach him the serenity prayer.. I kept planning ans that was when Anand Mohan came out of the HQ, cheery and beaming, tapped the guys shoulder and said…. Now you can go and meet him…and let it be the last time ok…
Suhail Khan admiringly looked into the Hunk’s big eyes… He caught the prof’s hands and started crying…
Come on man… Anand said holding him in a tight embrace… be bold… just go in….
I stood there as a silent spectator… This was one rare scene in GIM…. As Suhail went inside, Anand walked away not even acknowledging my being there…
Wasn’t that indifference?
He left a trace of the denim smell and it disturbed me a lot, but the unanswered questions that he left behind was more worrying......
No words in literature can express it fully… you should meet this guy once to know what I mean..
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Oxymoronica !
Jesus had a double life.. one as the Director of GIM where he ruled over as the crown prince with occasional intercession from Manohar- his brother in law who was also a pretender to the throne, and the other one as an evangelist which was a passion and part time business …
The first role kept him dipped in opulence as he drove around flashy and costly cars, got connected through the latest devices and gizmos, flew in and out of town for no particular reason, spend evenings at hi society clubs to network, was seen in all the big parties with a flashy smile in his face and sizzling wine in his hand…
The second one was just opposite..... where he saw and dealt with poverty- face to face and preached God and his ways to the deprived…drew pictures of God’s mercy and miracle to the destitute and how easy was it to cross the suffering by adopting God by way of the cross…
From day one I was amazed by this balancing act… was he a lavish contradiction in himself or one great marvel that God had created?
An oxymoron that was incomparable, at least to my eyes…
At GIM no one well-liked Jesus as an administrator because he wasn’t one… in fact in his absence things went hassle free but no one did dare tell him the actuality and he got to hear only praise and his court was full of eulogists who composed songs on a daily basis and got rewarded for the same.
I was going through your personal files and CR… Jesus told me that evening when we met accidentally in the elevator …. It is cool … in fact amazing… but I guess you need to start taking writing seriously…
I kept mum… I knew that he likes listeners than talkers ….
Write articles like Professor Ram… or many others… He went on… as an academic if you want long standing it is a must….
I knew that it was true, in spite of the fact that the fact came from the wrong mouth… He knew everything or at least that is what one get to feel when he talks, but if he knew so much then how come he was such a poor administrator ?.. I doubted…
Sukesh …are you listening…?
Yes ….yes sir… In fact even I was thinking the same… this year with classes taking most of my time.. I couldn’t write much…
Oh classes… will be there always… that cannot be a reason for not writing… he cut me mercilessly as he walked out of the lift which had reached the ground floor and quickly turned back to add… I also hear that you have become a bit indifferent these days… I for sure will not believe that…. but be careful… I am not the only one on management…
Jesus had the knack choosing the right words …. He had done his bit…now the worrying job was mine…and damn me the worry box opened even as the lift doors closed with a tense me still trapped inside….
Prof Ram was no longer my consultant during worrying times.. not that I stopped trusting him but that I started receding into my cocoon… it seemed safe but you never know.. Any time a container of boiling water can welcome you… still it was safe as long as no one spotted the cocoon …
I took refuge in the canteen which wore an empty look with the kids away with study holidays and the staff all busy doing nothing in their respective offices….the intelligentsia or the Intellectual Capital which made one of the pillars of a B school would be all busy gossiping , sleeping or doing cut copy and paste research…. After all targets had to be met….
Remember me sir,,,? Came asking a familiar face…..
Oh yeah…. I said… half in delight to have seen a student’s face in a dry lonely canteen and half in embarrassment over my inability to remember student names…
Suhail Khan … he said with a smile… I am specializing in Operations and HR… I had told you once…
Well he had… I remembered.. in the lift again.. some time back….
Yeah yeah… I said with a stupid grin… I promise I will remember you next time…
You bet sir… he retorted …
Can I sit here sir? He asked….
Oh yes please… I invited him…. Have some tea …
I will have your favorite banana fry… he said still happy…
Hey … I asked with open eyes… how do you know that???
Who doesn’t know that sir…? What you are, is not what you think you are… sir… he said as if he was enacting the main role in some philosophical play on stage…. It is what others think you are…
Well I know you are doing HR but that doesn’t mean that you can make a simple banana fry look that complicated… I laughed at my humour …
Suhail khan but refused to laugh…. He sat there with a gaze fixed in my face….
Tell me Suhail… how I can help you?….I asked, in an attempt to take the conversation further…
You cannot help me sir… I don’t know who can but I need some one to help me… I badly need …..he said….
Now I have to admit that I really got tense… students and their affairs at GIM was entirely the HQ’s prerogative and no one meddled in it… no one even listened to it….and even if they did it didn’t make any difference… here I was in the middle of the canteen that hot evening, with a cup of tea and banana fry sitting with this young man who was nothing more than a stranger not knowing what to do next…
I am caught by Dr Jesus every time …. He said with his eyes getting wet….
Caught for what? I asked perplexed…
For all the wrong things… he bewailed
Like for eg…?
Some one was drinking in the hostel.. in some room upstairs…. Last night…. And by about 1. 30 in the night Dr Jesus came for a raid…. Caught many … I didn’t even know the happenings but this morning the story is like I am the leader…. He said in one breath…
1.30 in the night? I wondered….and why such an anti climax… if you were not there…
He started crying like a small kid, at GIM even though that was common....
How I hoped that I didn’t come to the canteen that evening….I knew what he wanted .. I also knew that I couldn’t help it….
My mobile rang… Anand Mohan calling ..it said…..
Hey dude…where are you? came the husky voice as loud as he could yell ,as if I am deaf…
Why? ......I asked in a fit of fury…
Come over ..there is a happy news for you…. He said in mirth and went off air…
The first role kept him dipped in opulence as he drove around flashy and costly cars, got connected through the latest devices and gizmos, flew in and out of town for no particular reason, spend evenings at hi society clubs to network, was seen in all the big parties with a flashy smile in his face and sizzling wine in his hand…
The second one was just opposite..... where he saw and dealt with poverty- face to face and preached God and his ways to the deprived…drew pictures of God’s mercy and miracle to the destitute and how easy was it to cross the suffering by adopting God by way of the cross…
From day one I was amazed by this balancing act… was he a lavish contradiction in himself or one great marvel that God had created?
An oxymoron that was incomparable, at least to my eyes…
At GIM no one well-liked Jesus as an administrator because he wasn’t one… in fact in his absence things went hassle free but no one did dare tell him the actuality and he got to hear only praise and his court was full of eulogists who composed songs on a daily basis and got rewarded for the same.
I was going through your personal files and CR… Jesus told me that evening when we met accidentally in the elevator …. It is cool … in fact amazing… but I guess you need to start taking writing seriously…
I kept mum… I knew that he likes listeners than talkers ….
Write articles like Professor Ram… or many others… He went on… as an academic if you want long standing it is a must….
I knew that it was true, in spite of the fact that the fact came from the wrong mouth… He knew everything or at least that is what one get to feel when he talks, but if he knew so much then how come he was such a poor administrator ?.. I doubted…
Sukesh …are you listening…?
Yes ….yes sir… In fact even I was thinking the same… this year with classes taking most of my time.. I couldn’t write much…
Oh classes… will be there always… that cannot be a reason for not writing… he cut me mercilessly as he walked out of the lift which had reached the ground floor and quickly turned back to add… I also hear that you have become a bit indifferent these days… I for sure will not believe that…. but be careful… I am not the only one on management…
Jesus had the knack choosing the right words …. He had done his bit…now the worrying job was mine…and damn me the worry box opened even as the lift doors closed with a tense me still trapped inside….
Prof Ram was no longer my consultant during worrying times.. not that I stopped trusting him but that I started receding into my cocoon… it seemed safe but you never know.. Any time a container of boiling water can welcome you… still it was safe as long as no one spotted the cocoon …
I took refuge in the canteen which wore an empty look with the kids away with study holidays and the staff all busy doing nothing in their respective offices….the intelligentsia or the Intellectual Capital which made one of the pillars of a B school would be all busy gossiping , sleeping or doing cut copy and paste research…. After all targets had to be met….
Remember me sir,,,? Came asking a familiar face…..
Oh yeah…. I said… half in delight to have seen a student’s face in a dry lonely canteen and half in embarrassment over my inability to remember student names…
Suhail Khan … he said with a smile… I am specializing in Operations and HR… I had told you once…
Well he had… I remembered.. in the lift again.. some time back….
Yeah yeah… I said with a stupid grin… I promise I will remember you next time…
You bet sir… he retorted …
Can I sit here sir? He asked….
Oh yes please… I invited him…. Have some tea …
I will have your favorite banana fry… he said still happy…
Hey … I asked with open eyes… how do you know that???
Who doesn’t know that sir…? What you are, is not what you think you are… sir… he said as if he was enacting the main role in some philosophical play on stage…. It is what others think you are…
Well I know you are doing HR but that doesn’t mean that you can make a simple banana fry look that complicated… I laughed at my humour …
Suhail khan but refused to laugh…. He sat there with a gaze fixed in my face….
Tell me Suhail… how I can help you?….I asked, in an attempt to take the conversation further…
You cannot help me sir… I don’t know who can but I need some one to help me… I badly need …..he said….
Now I have to admit that I really got tense… students and their affairs at GIM was entirely the HQ’s prerogative and no one meddled in it… no one even listened to it….and even if they did it didn’t make any difference… here I was in the middle of the canteen that hot evening, with a cup of tea and banana fry sitting with this young man who was nothing more than a stranger not knowing what to do next…
I am caught by Dr Jesus every time …. He said with his eyes getting wet….
Caught for what? I asked perplexed…
For all the wrong things… he bewailed
Like for eg…?
Some one was drinking in the hostel.. in some room upstairs…. Last night…. And by about 1. 30 in the night Dr Jesus came for a raid…. Caught many … I didn’t even know the happenings but this morning the story is like I am the leader…. He said in one breath…
1.30 in the night? I wondered….and why such an anti climax… if you were not there…
He started crying like a small kid, at GIM even though that was common....
How I hoped that I didn’t come to the canteen that evening….I knew what he wanted .. I also knew that I couldn’t help it….
My mobile rang… Anand Mohan calling ..it said…..
Hey dude…where are you? came the husky voice as loud as he could yell ,as if I am deaf…
Why? ......I asked in a fit of fury…
Come over ..there is a happy news for you…. He said in mirth and went off air…
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